


Noir

by ilupant



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, Choi Saeran Good Ending (Mystic Messenger), Confusion, Dark, Dimension Travel, F/M, Fantasy, Fluff, Isekai, M/M, Mental Instability, Mint Eye, Mystery, Other, RFA, after ending!Saeran, mentions of DID, nonbinary reader
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:01:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 39,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28249560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ilupant/pseuds/ilupant
Summary: You open your eyes, and you’re lost. Stranded on an unfamiliar sidewalk, staring down a road you’ve never seen before. The phone in your hands is not yours, and you don’t know the person in the photo set as your background.Something is happening to you. Your life is no longer what you remembered. You struggle to understand what is happening to you and in your desperation, you turn to the people who claim to know you best.But somebody is lying to you, and something evil is brewing beneath the surface.-featuring After Ending!Saeran because he has my heart
Relationships: Choi Saeran/Main Character, Choi Saeran/Reader
Comments: 54
Kudos: 99





	1. It Starts with Nothing

Like many things in life, the beginning didn’t make much sense. 

Your eyes were bleary, like you’d just woken up from a long, deep sleep. You were barely able to make out the shapes, colors, and sounds of your surroundings. It all seemed blurred together, smeared like an excess of paints on a canvas. The sky above you was blue, a deep, beautiful cerulean. You couldn’t look at it for too long, because the liquid gold of the sun glared down at you between thick, billowing clouds.

It was a beautiful day. But it almost felt too pretty, like the sapphire sky and citrine sun were covering up for something else, a darkness in the shadows. Somehow, you knew that the sky didn’t belong. You didn’t belong. 

This world was not yours. Something was very wrong, but you didn’t know what.

Throngs of people were passing you by, side-stepping you as you stood, stranded in the middle of a sidewalk. Buildings and little shops stood to your left, to your right lay a well-traveled street, filled with cars of all shapes and sizes. The chattering of pedestrians didn’t quite register in your ears, and neither did the sounds of the cars. It was all white noise, indecipherable, melting together into something far too overwhelming. There was too much going on around you, and it only intensified the confusion that you were beginning to feel.

You didn’t know this place. You’d never been here before.

You’d never seen the bookstore to your left, nor the cafe directly next to it. You didn’t recognize the street you were on, and the occasional metal benches dotting the spaces between a few of the buildings were just as foreign. You felt like you had washed ashore a land undiscovered, except you couldn’t remember ever entering the ocean.

You remained completely still, unable to move as your muted senses struggled to come back to life. Out of nowhere, the world rushed back to you in a flash, like you’d been hit by a freight train. There was a rush, like an explosion, and it seemed to rattle everything inside of you until it split through the fog surrounding your brain. Your surroundings instantly came to life. Everything became louder, the colors brighter, more saturated, and your skull pounded with an incoming headache.

Your body seemed to be betraying you. You could barely breathe.

“What is this…?” Your voice slipped out before you registered that you were speaking, but it was the only thing that you recognized. The only thing that hadn’t changed. You were still _you._ But none of the people passing you by seemed to hear or notice your distress. The continuous movement of passers-by and vehicles swallowed your voice like you’d never even spoken.

You were invisible.

Your legs started to feel like jelly beneath you as your heart settled in your stomach, bringing forth intense nausea. Moving was nearly an impossible task, but the fuzzing of your peripheral told you that you were about to pass out, so you knew you had to find somewhere to go. Your eyes locked onto one of the metal benches and you forced yourself to approach it, albeit rather slowly. Your mind spun, sending vertigo coursing through your head, and the second you reached the bench, you collapsed directly into it. The metal was cool against your burning skin. A bag, which you hadn’t noticed was slung over your shoulder, fell into a heap atop the bench, right next to you.

You continued to look around, pulse starting to speed up past a point you were capable of dealing with. Your mouth was dry and your head ached so deeply that you could barely think past it.

Why did you not recognize this place? Where were you? And how did you get here?

You knew your hometown. You knew the intricacy of many of the roads and shops. You were familiar with it and the surrounding area- enough to know that you were nowhere near home.

You brought a hand up to your chest, pressing it into the space above your rapidly beating heart like you were trying to coax it into slowing down. You were beginning to feel exceptionally queasy, a cold sweat breaking out over your exposed skin. Something about this situation and the way you couldn’t pick it apart and understand it was incredibly unsettling.

It was terrifying.

And yet, people continued to pass you by, completely oblivious to your growing despair.

It was the buzzing in your jacket pocket that pulled you out from the whirlwind of anxiety spinning you in circles. Automatically, you reached your hand into the pocket of the blue coat you didn’t remember owning and pulled out a phone that wasn’t yours.

The screen turned on by itself and displayed a notification for a text message, but not the contents of the message itself. Near the top of the screen was a white, locked padlock icon. You would have to unlock the phone to read the message.

Despite the phone not being yours, you tapped at the screen a few times, the mystery giving you something to cling to and ground yourself with. Your thumbs left slight smears on the screen, the sweat from your clammy hands transferring to the glass. You paused briefly, then used your sleeve to wipe at the screen, and ran your hands down your jeans. When you tried again, you left behind less of a mess.

Almost immediately, the screen blurred. In the center, the words _Face ID_ appeared. A small, spinning circle told you that the phone was loading, and you only had to wait a few seconds before you were granted access.

The entire process was over in a flash.

You stilled again, eyebrows pushing into a slight frown. The phone, which was very clearly not yours, seemed to have recognized your face.

Even though none of this made any sense, you tried to look past it for just a moment, focusing instead on the phone itself. The photo chosen as the background was of a man you didn’t recognize. He appeared relaxed, looking just past the camera at the photographer, lips quirked upwards in a small, very content smile. There was a slight tint to his cheeks, a rosy dusting of impossibly pale skin, and atop his head was a mop of silver hair with pink-frosted tips.

His eyes were the most brilliant shade of mint that you’d ever seen. They seemed to glow in the sunlight, translucent like sea glass.

He was pretty. But you also didn’t know him.

You squinted at the man in the photo like he would give you answers if you tried enough. His smile remained unwavering, and you were provided no extra clue.

Who _was_ he? And why was he the background of a phone that had your face programmed as that of its owner? You didn’t know this man. And the phone in your hands was not yours. It was too new, too nice, too unfamiliar.

You shouldn’t have this.

A shudder ripped through your body. This entire situation was frightening, unsettling, sinking into your skin like thousands of skittering bugs. Goosebumps were beginning to prickle at your skin despite the warmth of your jacket. You felt incredibly small, lost in a world that was closing in on you. 

It took immense effort for you to keep yourself even remotely composed. As your head began to spin, nearing the threshold of a full-blown anxiety attack, you tried desperately to distract yourself by scouring the rest of the phone. 

Many of the apps on the home screen were familiar. Some of them were the generic ones that came with every phone, uninstallable and generally useless. Among them, though, were a handful that you didn’t recognize and would never install. You’d never seen some of these games before. And who kept a password-locked journal on their phone?

_Probably someone worried about strangers looking through their phone._

You continued your investigation. 

As another wave of nausea rolled over you, however, you had to momentarily avert your eyes from the phone. Your head was beginning to hurt even more, threatening to crack open as you struggled to comprehend what was going on. Your questions and obsessive thinking only seemed to make you feel worse. Every time you tried to remember how you had gotten here, something swung a hammer against your skull. 

It was enough of a deterrent for you to forego thinking too hard. For now, at least.

Again, the phone vibrated in your hands. Another notification banner appeared near the top of the screen, displaying another message. This time, you were able to see the name of the sender and the contents of the message.

  
  


**Saeran:**

_If you are, just let me know. I think the others are starting to get a little worried._

  
  


You paused. 

_What?_

You clicked on the notification without thinking. It expanded, opening up one of the apps that you hadn’t recognized. It was titled _RFA,_ which didn’t mean much to you. Even when the app began to load, the screen displaying the words _Rika’s Fundraising Organization_ , you felt just as unenlightened. You waited for the app to boot up, bouncing one of your legs as nerves continued to buzz in your chest. Instantly, the app redirected you to a thread of messages that the phone’s owner had been sharing with somebody else. Two of the recent messages had been sent within the last few minutes. 

Despite knowing that this conversation wasn’t yours, you read through the new messages.

  
  


**Saeran:**

_My love, are you running late?_

_If you are, just let me know. I think the others are starting to get worried._

  
  


Your frown only deepened. As expected, you were unable to piece anything together from these messages. Clearly, the sender was looking for somebody who wasn’t you.

Who the hell was Saeran, anyway?

You scanned over the messages again. The owner of this phone was obviously expected somewhere. They were late for a meeting of some sort.

With a sigh, you looked away from the phone again, letting your eyes wander around your surroundings once more. It was like you had stepped into a completely different dimension. Everything was unfamiliar. Even the clothes that you were wearing weren’t yours. They felt strange against your skin, too tight in some areas, too loose in others. Yet here you were, completely stranded, and so bewildered that you struggled to even start thinking of a plan. 

You felt like the world was beginning to fall apart around you. It was slowly shattering, cracks running across the surface of what you thought you knew. Nothing felt real, yet when you pinched yourself a small, sharp jolt shot up your arm, you knew that this was reality.

The phone vibrated in your hands again, and you jumped.

  
  


**Saeran:**

_You’re online! Are you okay, my love?_

_You’re not answering…_

  
  


Your eyes zeroed in on the nickname, focusing on that instead of the contents of the messages. _My love._ It had been used twice in a series of four tests. You were able to use that to put a few things together. Upon studying the icon of your chatting partner, you noticed a familiar face- pale skin, silver hair and sifted pink tips, and bright, mint eyes. 

‘Saeran’ must have been the person on the home screen. He seemed comfortable enough with whoever he thought he was texting. He was clearly a boyfriend of some sort, if the messages were enough to go on. 

Another message arrived. Saeran seemed to be in a rush to get ahold of the phone’s owner.

  
  


**Saeran:**

_I can tell you’re reading my messages…_

_Can you say something, please?_

  
  


Apparently, you’d already been caught.

As if on autopilot, your thumb moved, tapping the small bar at the bottom of the screen on its own. The keyboard emerged, but your thumbs remained suspended above the letters, as if wanting to type something but not knowing what to say.

Did you dare respond? This phone wasn’t yours, and this man didn’t know he was texting a stranger. How would you go about explaining that you weren’t the person he was looking for?

But there were two reasons you contemplated responding. First, this person seemed at least somewhat antsy, awaiting a response. Even if he wasn’t looking for you, you had his partner’s phone. The least you could do was clue him in on what was happening. He already seemed worried enough. 

The other thought was far more self-serving. Perhaps, if you were lucky enough, this person could somehow help you. You were hopelessly lost and extremely confused. The world was offering you an opportunity amidst chaos. 

You weren’t sure what exactly this person- Saeran- could do for you besides maybe telling you where you were. And that was if he didn’t call the cops, which was also a viable option. But your options were already limited, and you didn’t want to turn down the chance to gain some understanding of what was going on.

With that in mind, hesitated for a second more before typing out a message. It felt unsure, awkward, and incredibly out of place when you hit send. Your words were strange, an intrusion to the conversation. They clearly didn’t belong in this chatroom. 

  
  


_Hello. Sorry, I think I may have accidentally picked up this phone. I’m not who you’re trying to reach._

  
  


You bit at the inside of your cheek. To say you felt awkward would have been an understatement. Sending that message felt incredibly invasive, even as you maintained the position that you were in desperate need of help. Still, you persisted, awaiting a response apprehensively. There was a brief pause, as if the person on the other end was thinking. Then, a message appeared beneath yours, and a second one followed almost immediately after. 

You felt anxious as you read them.

  
  


**Saeran:**

_What do you mean?_

_Who are you? Where did you find this phone?_

  
  


You pressed your lips together. These questions were fair enough, and expected, given your situation. But you still weren’t sure how to answer them without sounding absolutely insane.

You felt incredibly uncomfortable at having to respond to these messages, but a reminder of why you were doing this was enough to spur you back on. You were just as confused as your chatting partner, if not more so.

You weren’t quite sure if you could explain your situation in a way that made sense because it didn’t make sense. If you said something too strange, it was likely that he would stop talking to you, and you weren’t ready to take that chance. So you tried to craft a response that sounded at least somewhat reasonable.

  
  


_I mean that I just have this phone. I don’t really know why._

  
  


You hesitated for a second at his second question for just a second. Giving this person your name would increase your credibility at least somewhat, right? You did somehow have his partner’s phone, after all, and that would have garnered at least some suspicion from him. So you typed out a very brief introductory message, giving him your name, and sent it as a follow-up to your previous message. 

The next response took a bit longer to arrive, but when it did it was followed by a slew of rapid-fire responses, arriving one after the other, like you’d somehow set off a bomb.

  
  


**Saeran:**

_???_

_Ah, I see!_

_You were playing a prank, right? Sorry, I didn’t realize ^^_

_But everyone’s waiting on you to get started. Are you close?_

_I can come out and meet you if you want ♡_

  
  


You blanked. For just a second, you felt like you had completely short-circuited.

Was this supposed a joke? Because you had been completely serious, and that seemed to have gone right over his head. 

You read the messages over a few times. Your chatting partner's previous caution had all but disappeared, replaced by the same affectionate tone he’d initially used. As you tried and failed to understand how your answers had let him to this point, your frown only deepened.

“What the fuck?” Your question, spoken aloud, drew the attention of a passing grandmother. She threw you a disappointed look, but you completely ignored her.

Was this guy serious? Had he not read anything you said? Had _both_ of you hit your heads?

Fueled by a surge of irritated confusion, you typed out another message, this time far quicker than before. Receiving these intimate messages was extremely uncomfortable. You felt gross, knowing that they were meant for someone else. You felt rushed to clear all of this up.

You shouldn’t have messaged him, you thought. This obviously wasn’t going in the direction you’d hoped it would. 

  
  


_What?_

_Sorry, I don’t think you understand. I’m not the person you’re looking for. I don’t know you._

_I think I’m going to take this phone to the police. It’s really not mine._

  
  


You looked back up from the screen with an exasperated sigh. Your eyes smarted from the strain of squinting at the screen for so long, and it was only making your headache worse. 

You scanned your immediate surroundings. There were no police stations in sight. Given that you didn’t know where you were, that posed an entirely new issue. Your first goal, you told yourself, would be figuring out where you were. There had to be a way of doing that without messaging someone you didn’t know.

Maybe you could scour this person’s phone for a maps app of some sort?

Before you could follow through with your plans, you received another message. 

  
  


**Saeran:**

_???_

_What are you talking about, love?_

_Did something happen? Are you hurt?_

  
  


Dumbfounded, you frowned at the messages. A part of you was starting to grow annoyed with Saeran’s responses- you didn’t know him, and he didn’t know you. Why was he pretending otherwise when you’d clearly told him, more than once, that you weren’t the person he was looking for?

How could you make it any more clear?

Despite not wanting to continue the conversation, you responded anyway. The last thing you wanted was for this person to genuinely think you were his partner. Maybe if you were assertive enough, he would understand.

  
  


_What? No._

_Seriously, I don’t know you. This isn’t funny. Sorry I have your friend’s phone, but trying to mess with my head isn’t exactly helpful right now._

_I’m turning this phone in to the police._

  
  


You exited the app and looked through the icons on the home screen, trying to find the maps icon among the obscene amount of other apps. You couldn’t help feeling irritated- it was hard enough to find things in your own phone, let alone somebody else’s. When a quick skim didn’t reveal any results, you took another, more focused look.

Again, you were interrupted by a series of texts. This time, annoyance growing, you tapped on the notification with a bit more vigor. If he still didn’t understand what you were trying to say, there was little more you could do to help him. This was the least of your issues, really.

  
  


**Saeran:**

_Wait wait wait_

_Don’t do that, love. Give me just a second, okay?_

_Saeyoung gave me your location. I’m close by._

  
  


You nearly choked.

  
  


**Saeran:**

_Don’t go anywhere._

  
  


_Like hell,_ you thought. Who the hell was Saeyoung, and how did he know where you were?

Alarms began to blare in your head, flashing blinking red lights. You needed to get out of here, and fast. 

You immediately forced yourself back up to your feet, shouldering the bag once more. You glanced to your left, then your right, then your left again, another dilemma forming in your head as you deliberated your options. Picking a random direction should have been easy enough given you didn’t know where you were, but the knowledge that your silver-haired chatting partner would be coming from one of those sides upped the difficulty of choosing. You needed to leave, but the last thing you wanted was to run into somebody else’s confused boyfriend. You were already stressed enough. 

You bit your lip for a second, teeth digging into the flesh. You dug your fingers into the strap of your bag, trying to talk yourself into just making a choice.

Did it even matter if you made the wrong decision? You could probably dodge this guy easily enough, and that was if he spotted you in the crowds of people. If he did see you, causing a disturbance would likely spare you from having to call the police yourself. If somebody else did that for you, it would save you some time, right?

You took a leap of faith and turned left, weaving your way into the crowd of people. You gripped the strap of the bag tightly, eyes darting from person to person, hoping you wouldn’t run into the mint-eyed stranger you’d made the mistake of texting. 

The street didn’t grow any more familiar as you made your way down the sidewalk, the sun beating down on you. The feeling of being impossibly lost was devastatingly heavy, permeating your thoughts and increasing your anxiety. You felt small, isolated amongst so many people. Nothing about this was right. The world wasn’t as it should have been.

You were beginning to make up your mind to never leave your house again. If this was what was going to happen when you stepped outside, you wanted nothing to do with it.

As you came upon an intersection, you decided to continue down the street you were on. You stopped at the red light with a few other people heading in the same direction, hoping they would give you some cover. This person didn’t know what you looked like, so you should have been okay either way.

As you waited for the light to change colors, a shout that sounded suspiciously like your name reached your ears. Your heart dropped to your stomach like a stone and you instantly went rigid. You continued to face forward, albeit with a bit too much intensity to look entirely normal, and hoped that you hadn't heard what you thought you had.

The world seemed intent on betraying you. You heard your name again, this time closer. Whoever was calling out to you was approaching from the road adjacent to the one you had just come from, just around the corner.

_Fuck._

It was time for you to leave. 

You turned back around and started another trek back in the direction that you’d come from, barely maneuvering a girl clinging to her boyfriend’s arm. Your pace was considerably faster, and the rapid thundering of your heart increased the anxiety that you’d been nursing since coming to your senses earlier.

Your earlier plan of causing a scene was sounding less and less pleasant as the chance of having to go through with it increased. Your forced confidence had all but drained, replaced with the fear of being followed down an unfamiliar road by a complete stranger.

Even amongst the hustle and bustle of the busy street, you were able to pick out the sound of approaching footsteps, quicker and heavier than the rest around you. You grit your teeth so hard they began to hurt, apprehension inside of you reaching a peak you hadn’t thought possible.

This time, the sound of your name came from directly behind you. 

“Wait! Why are you-?”

Something inside of you snapped. A rush of anger filled you with faux-confidence once more.

You spun around immediately, forcing the person trailing you to come to a very sudden halt to avoid crashing into you. Mint eyes, wide and filled with concern, focused on you. You threw him the nastiest glare you could muster, trying to override your fear.

“Listen, I don’t _know_ you!” You snapped, gripping the phone so tightly that your knuckles turned white. “And you don’t know me! I’m not who you’re looking for!”

A few people glanced over at the commotion briefly before walking on.

The man, Saeran, seemed incredibly taken aback by your hostility. His mouth opened into a small ‘o,’ clearly surprised. The tips of his hair, a cotton-candy pink, splayed out across his forehead and fell just past his eyes. He leaned away from you ever so slightly, like the force of your words had physically sent him back.

_Good._ It was enough of an encouragement for you to continue talking.

“You know what, take the phone,” you shoved the device at him with so much force that you nearly threw it. You didn’t feel bad when he fumbled with it. “There- now leave me alone!”

A few more people glanced over, some of them whispering to each other, but nobody stopped to help. Go figure.

Saeran seemed absolutely bewildered, like he couldn’t have possibly imagined that you would have reacted like this. It only riled you up more. You’d clearly told him that you weren’t the owner of the phone, and his refusal to understand was only making you feel cornered.

You turned back around to rush back down the street, but Saeran called after you again.

“Ah- wait!!” You could hear him following you again, and the adrenaline coursing through your veins grew more potent.

The temporary facade you’d donned earlier, which had given you the guts to assert yourself, was starting to wane again. In its place emerged a brand-new fear, fueling you to continue down the street at an impossibly quick pace, begging the cerulean skies to get this person to _stop following you._

You heard your name from behind you again, like he believed that by repeating it, he would get through to you. You continued to ignore him. The buildings around you began to thin out as you rushed down the street. You noticed a park to your right, several of the same metal benches lining green grass.

You would have preferred somewhere more crowded, but crossing the street wasn’t an option. You weren’t nimble enough to weave around moving cars. 

Undeterred, Saeran increased his pace. He maneuvered around you with ease, coming to a stop in front of you, effectively cutting you off. He held up his hands as if trying to placate you.

“Please, talk to me for a moment,” he pleaded, hair slightly mussed from trying to keep up with you. “Don’t do this here.”

There was a desperate sincerity to his voice that fostered some curiosity amongst the fear and frustration inside of you. It almost convinced you to hear him out, but you knew that was an idea not worth entertaining. You had enough street-smarts to know that hearing out a stranger who’d somehow found your location usually didn’t end well. The stress of being in an unfamiliar area was already enough. You didn’t need to add kidnapping to the list of things to worry about.

Besides, his desperation freaked you out far more than it intrigued you.

“No,” you insisted, nearly choking on the word. You attempted to step to the side, aiming to shoot right past him, but he mirrored your movement, blocking you off again.

There weren’t enough people for you to feel even remotely safe.

Just as you were about to turn tail and head down the same street for the third time, Saeran spoke again.

“Just listen to me,” he lowered his voice somewhat, but you could hear the concern clearly. “Please. You know I would _never_ do anything to hurt you. I promise.”

For the first time, you met his gaze. There was a familiarity to his voice, to the way he regarded you. It looked like he was holding himself back, though you didn’t know from what. His eyes were almost tender and he was clearly very worried. If you didn’t know better you would have said that he cared about you, like your behavior was causing him genuine distress.

You couldn’t deny that he appeared incredibly sincere, but you weren’t sold yet. 

“Or what?” You demanded. “Are you going to keep following me around and blocking my way?”

He almost squirmed, averting his eyes for just a second. Clearly, your words were making him uncomfortable. But he fought through it and looked back at you, a bit more resolve in his eyes.

“I don’t want to,” he told you, “but I will. I don’t think it’s safe for you to wander around like this. I can tell you’re confused, so please just let me explain.”

You paused. It sounded like he knew why you were here- why you were in such an incomprehensible situation.

He tossed you the bait. Fueled by desperation, you took it.

You quirked your eyebrows, caution thrown to the wind for just a second. His words struck you, and you couldn’t deny that the hurt in his eyes seemed genuine.

You took in a breath and held it for a few seconds. Then, you exhaled.

_Oh, what the hell._ If he knew why you were here, it could solve a lot of your problems. You didn’t exactly have many other options, either.

“Fine,” you relented. 

Instantly, relief flooded his eyes. Before he could say anything, though, you continued. “But we’re staying outside. No trying to lead me into alleyways or anything, okay?”

He nodded instantly, and it was enough to allow you to relax just the slightest bit.

If you were going to stay out in the open, where the general public could see you, then there was no harm in hearing him out. It was better than having him tail you in a completely unfamiliar city.

“You said you can explain,” you started. “Does that mean you know why I’m here?”

Eyebrows still drawn together somewhat, the man, Saeran, nodded slowly. “You… don’t?” He asked slowly, as if picking his words carefully.

Were you supposed to?

“No,” you responded. “I don’t even know where ‘here’ is.”

Maybe it wasn’t the smartest idea to clue him in on that, but you couldn’t exactly take it back now.

The concern in his glimmering eyes only grew. He opened his mouth, hesitated it, and closed it again. It was clear that something was bothering him immensely. You could practically see the gears in his mind turning as he tried to figure out what to say to you. A small breeze tousled his hair, and your eyes briefly watched as it danced in the soft wind.

Silver and pink. It was uncommon, but pretty.

Finally, he spoke.

“You really don’t know who I am?” He met your eyes again. There was something pleading about his gaze, as if he was trying to get you to admit that this was all just a big prank that you’d been playing on him. 

You didn’t like the fact that you seemed to be causing him this much pain, but there was no way you were going to lie to him, either.

So, you shook your head. “ _No,_ ” you stressed the word. “I seriously don’t. Why would I lie about that?”

Instantly, he looked _crushed._ For just a second, the resolve in his demeanor seemed to crumble, giving way to nothing but genuine, raw pain. Like you not knowing who he was genuinely hurt him. 

That only confused you further. 

You couldn’t help feeling a little bad. Bewildered though you were, you didn’t take pleasure in being the source of this kind of anguish. 

But you didn’t know this person. And you definitely would have remembered somebody like him.

Before you could think to say anything, he dug into the pocket of his coat.

“Hold on,” he pulled out his own phone and tapped the screen. You listened to him and waited, albeit awkwardly. You felt incredibly out of place, running your finger up and down the seam to the strap of your bag as seconds passed you by.

Eventually, he seemed to find what he was looking for. 

“Okay,” he prompted, and you looked back at him. He turned his phone around and held it out to you, far more cautious in his approach than he had been earlier. 

At first, you didn’t want to touch the phone. You peered at the screen, squinting a little bit to make out whatever it was displaying. The glare of the sunlight made your task difficult, but you were eventually able to make out what was on the screen.

It was a picture.

More specifically, it was a picture of two people- one of which was you.

Almost immediately, you reached out and, barely touching the bottom of the phone, angled it down lower so you could see a little bit better. The improved visibility only confirmed your initial impression.

It _was_ you. Not a lookalike, not an extremely accurate doppelganger. You could tell by the shape of your eyes, the curvature of your nose, and the way your lips quirked into a happy smile. This person was undeniably you.

Your eyebrows flew upward as you continued to examine the picture.

The you in the picture had your arm outstretched as if you were taking the picture. The other person in the photo, the same Saeran standing in front of you now, mirrored your smile with crinkled eyes and cheeks as pink as the tips of his hair. He was leaning into you, one of his arms wrapped around you, holding you close.

Apparently, the two of you were extremely comfortable with each other. But it still didn’t make any sense. 

You wondered if Saeran showing you this was supposed to make you feel better, because you were only more confused.

It was you in that picture, without a doubt. But how could you be in a picture that you didn’t take, cozied up with a person you didn’t know?

Your nausea returned with a vengeance. You could feel the blood draining from your face as you stared at the photo, completely unmoving. Eventually, you found it in you to speak.

“I don’t understand,” your voice was lower now, earlier hostility replaced with confusion and something bordering on insecurity. “How can I be in a picture that I didn’t take?”

“You did take it, my lo-”

Saeran stopped himself. The following silence, despite lasting only a split second, seemed to last forever.

“You did take it,” he tried again, swiping to the side and revealing a similar picture. “We’ve taken a lot together. You really don’t remember?”

The agitation that had been filling you earlier had all but dissipated, leaving in its wake a heavy dread that you struggled to work through. You were upset and far more confused than ever.

You shook your head in response to his question, lips clamped together, shut tightly. 

It felt like instinct to say that this person wasn’t you. You couldn’t recall taking any of these pictures with the man in front of you. But seeing yourself in them sent you spinning, creating a dichotomy within you. 

So why didn’t you remember? Why didn’t you know this person, who you seemed to be so comfortable with? Why were you standing here in clothes you didn’t own, gripping the strap to a bag that didn’t belong to you?

Was it really possible to just forget things like this?

You couldn’t sort anything out. You wanted to be able to trust what your head was telling you, but these pictures weren’t fitting into the narrative. Everything was disrupted, and you were stranded in the middle of fragments of memories you didn’t have.

Saeran seemed to think for a second, like he was trying to understand what to say next. Finally, he settled on another question. 

“Do you know where we are?” He asked next. “Is any of this familiar to you?”

You thought of the bookstore. The cafe. The park next to you.

After a second, you looked up and met his eyes. “No,” you responded. “Should it be familiar?”

The look in his eyes told you that it should. You only felt worse.

“Listen,” he shut his phone off. “I know you don’t remember me right now, but you and I are close. You’ve known me for a long time. I’m Saeran.”

His words felt strange as they processed in your head.

The person standing in front of you was a complete stranger. His mint eyes, staring at you with all of the tenderness a person could imagine, were unfamiliar to you. The slight frown to his lips, conveying such hurt, was just as foreign. And yet, he spoke to you with such kindness that you couldn’t deny he seemed to care deeply for you.

It was the only thing that seemed vaguely comforting in a world that you didn’t recognize.

“I’m sure you’re confused. But I promise that I would never do anything to hurt you- ever. You’re _so_ important to me,” he stressed, a silent plea for you to trust him. “You’ve been- you’ve been having issues with your memory for a little while, now. Though, nothing to this degree.”

You weren’t sure if that made you feel better or worse. Saeran seemed to catch onto that, and he quickly moved on.

“You were supposed to meet up with the rest of the RFA. Our friends. You were late today. That’s why I texted you. I got worried.”

You couldn’t say anything. You hung onto every word he said, trying to take in a narrative that didn’t make any sense to you. It felt like the weight of the world was settling on your shoulders.

You’d wanted an explanation, but not this.

Saeran seemed to struggle to word whatever thoughts were in his head.

“I would never hurt you,” he repeated. “And I understand you’re confused. But I can’t leave you alone out here. Can I- please, will you let me take you to a hospital?”

Your eyes darted back up to him. Despite everything that Saeran had shown you and the sincerity with which he spoke to you, his request sent your nerves aflame again. He was still a stranger to you, regardless of what you had seen, and going anywhere with a stranger went against everything you’d ever been taught.

Saeran raised his hands again, similar to the way he had earlier.

“It’s within walking distance,” he tried to reassure you. “No driving. It’s close. Please.”

You deliberated.

You couldn’t help feeling afraid. You knew that Saeran had provided you with enough evidence to prove his statements at least somewhat credible. His entire demeanor was extremely sincere, gentle. You could tell that he was tiptoeing around you, trying to ensure that he didn’t upset you any more than you already were.

You couldn’t reconcile the conflict raging inside of you. Your active memories were fighting against what you’d been shown and the obvious peculiarity of your situation. You were in an unfamiliar city, wearing unfamiliar clothes, with a phone whose Face ID registered your face as that of its owner. You had no idea how you’d ended up here, and no idea how to get back to the place that you remembered as being your own.

You’d lost time- that much was sure. But how much? And why?

You began to feel dizzy as the implications of the situation hit you fully. You were completely stranded, lost in a world that was not your own. It was like you had been dropped here without any explanation.

It didn’t make any sense.

But regardless of your situation, regardless of Saeran, it was clear that seeing a doctor was in order. You couldn’t wander around with a memory full of holes. Your present standing was bad enough, and there was no guarantee that things wouldn’t get worse. The idea of anything else slipping away from you was enough to fill the pit of your stomach with an icy fear.

You had to do _something._ And you didn’t exactly have a lot of options. 

Lips pressed tightly together, you nodded.

Saeran seemed to be instantly overcome with relief. His posture relaxed and you couldn’t help feeling some comfort by extension.

“Thank you,” his voice was gentle. “Let me call the RFA, okay? I’ll tell them we can’t make it today.”

You nodded again. Words seemed to fail you. The rapid-fire words that had been stored in your head had completely disappeared, like you’d run out of fuel and fizzled out.

Saeran turned his phone back on. You wrapped your arms around yourself loosely, gripping the fabric of the blue jacket as if trying to give yourself some semblance of security. Saeran tapped his phone a few times before he raised the device up to his ear. He glanced over at you again, like he was worried you would blip out of existence if he looked away for too long. You could hear the dial tone from where you were standing. Faint, but still there.

It came to a halt, and Saeran immediately spoke up.

“Saeyoung-” he started to speak, but was instantly interrupted. Whoever was on the other end of the line seemed to be saying quite a bit, and Saeran listened intently before speaking up.

“Yeah, just down the street. Like you said. It happened again.”

_Again._

It was a heavy word. You felt queasy at its implications, a sour taste filling your mouth. How many times had this happened to you? Enough for it to be a well-known fact?

“We’re gonna stop by the hospital. Can you tell Jumin that we won’t make it?”

More unfamiliar names. You mulled them over in your head, trying to extract any meaning from them, but you came up blank. It was a heavy disappointment.

“Thanks, Saeyoung. Bye.”

And with that, the phone call was over. Saeran looked back at you, stuffing his phone back into his pocket. He softened as he took in your downtrodden demeanor. Instead of trying to pelt you with questions like he had earlier, Saeran remained fairly quiet.

You were grateful for that.

“Are you ready to go?” He finally asked you.

Could you be ready for something like this? You weren’t sure.

But the idea of something like this happening again was terrifying enough for you to put some trust in Saeran, even if it was blind.

You nodded. “Yeah.”

Saeran pressed his lips together, like he wanted to say something, but couldn’t.

“Let’s go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Saeran's after ending has ruined me. He's so sweet and wonderful- I had to write something with him.
> 
> This is going to be a sightly canon-diverging story. I got inspired while listening to a song and had to write out the ideas I had. I'm in no way stopping Renewal, but I also think it would be nice to have something else to work on that's a little bit less emotionally taxing haha.
> 
> So yes, this chapter is a bit of a preview. Expect everything to speed up and get weird. It's going to be a lot darker than it seems lksdajf
> 
> Anyways, let me know what you think! This is a new genre for me and I'd love to hear any opinions. 
> 
> Take care!


	2. Springtime Sunlight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which you go "home" and find temporary respite in the sunlight

You were almost immediately seen by somebody upon arrival to the hospital. As soon as Saeran had given your names, you were ushered into an exam room by a nurse who seemed a bit too serious, lips drawn into a thin line, and something about her demeanor only made you feel put off. Saeran accompanied you all the while. He remained close but quiet, and you mirrored his silence.

You felt more than a little bit awkward. The act of going to a doctor with somebody was more intimate than you were planning on getting with him. Even though he regarded you as someone important, you didn’t know him at all. 

But you were also glad for the company. Had you been on your own, you would have been even more lost than you already were.

As you waited to be seen in the exam room, though, that awkward feeling grew worse. At least in the waiting room, there had been a myriad of distractions. People were walking back and forth, chatting idly amongst themselves. Employees bustled about, some on the phones and some not, providing a sufficient distraction for you. Everything felt bigger, more spacious, less private. 

The exam room, though, was much smaller. It was an enclosed space. Quieter, more intimate, and much more uncomfortable.

You were debating whether to risk embarrassing yourself by saying stupid or just riding the discomfort out and remaining quiet. The posters on the walls, most of them about handwashing, covering sneezes, and preventing the spread of the yearly flu, couldn’t distract you for longer than a few minutes. With every passing second, you felt like the knot in your stomach was growing tighter and tighter. Saeran, though standing a formidable distance away from you, was glancing over at you periodically. It seemed that he was making an active effort to keep some distance while also trying to look after you.

Clearly, he felt just as awkward as you did. His attempts at watching over you were sweet enough, but you were beginning to feel incredibly self-conscious. There was only so much you could take before the risk of embarrassing yourself no longer made much of a difference.

Just as you finally made up your mind to say something, _anything_ , the door opened. In walked a tall man with salt-and-pepper hair wearing a white doctor’s coat. While not impolite, there was something imposing about the way he carried himself. 

The doctor didn’t seem particularly surprised to see you. Saeran explained your situation and you remained silent, hoping to gain any new information. He provided the doctors with the same narrative he’d given you, though, citing previous memory issues and the escalation that had occurred today. The doctor nodded along all the while, taking sparse notes on the laptop he’d carried in with him.

“Nothing like this has ever happened before,” Saeran sent you a worried glance as he finished.

You almost felt like a child being looked after while the adults spoke. Being the subject of so much attention was uncomfortable. You didn’t know these people well enough for them to be speaking about your medical history like you weren’t even there. 

But you bit back your sentiments. Now wasn’t the time.

“Yes, well, it _is_ concerning,” the doctor typed something into his laptop as he spoke. “This is a very sudden progression. As we discussed last time, it would be a good idea to head to get another round of bloodwork and more in-depth scanning.”

The thought was far from thrilling.

“I understand that you wanted to avoid this,” the doctor finally looked up from the laptop and met Saeran’s gaze, “but it wouldn’t be a bad idea to consider inpatient treatment until we understand what’s happening. The primary concern is the possibility of further progression. Something like this could become dangerous.”

Instantly, a frown crossed your face. You noticed that Saeran looked conflicted, as if he was actually considering the prospect. Worried that he would make a choice you didn’t agree with, you quickly decided to speak for yourself.

“Absolutely not,” you spoke firmly, looking straight at the doctor. He met your gaze like he’d just noticed that you were there. “I’m not going inpatient. This has been going on for a while, right? Have you found anything wrong with me?”

The doctor’s eyebrows narrowed ever so slightly, and you briefly considered that this was information you probably should have known. Maybe you should have taken a second to think through your query, you thought. But the prospect of being stuck inside of a tiny hospital room in a city you didn’t know made your skin crawl. It was more important to shoot down the idea before it became a possibility worth considering.

“No,” the doctor admitted, “but-”

A surge of frustration caused you to interrupt him. “Then, no. I’m not confining myself to a hospital room to prepare for something that might not even happen. I’ll go insane.”

It was then that you noticed Saeran regarding you with wide eyes as if he was taken aback by your sudden resistance. Somehow, that only frustrated you more.

“I really think you should consider it,” he tried. “I don’t want to risk something happening to you.”

_The audacity._ He didn’t even _know_ you.

You shook your head. “You can’t say for sure that anything’s going to get worse.”

“It already has,” Saeran insisted. “You don’t remember me. You don’t even know where you are.”

Your face went hot, and you could tell that you were starting to get worked up. Your rebuttal was swift, and the firm tone that you’d adopted earlier was inching towards sounding angry. “I get that. But this is my decision and I’m saying that I don’t want to go inpatient. I’m coherent enough to make that choice for myself.”

Saeran didn’t respond immediately.

You could tell he was worried. It was written all over his face, and despite how hard he seemed to be trying to keep it from you, you could see it clearly. A part of you felt for him. It was obvious that he cared about you to some extent, that he was worried about your wellbeing. However, the risk of something happening to you seemed to outweigh his consideration of your autonomy, and that frustrated you. You didn’t waver.

Who knows how long you would be inpatient if you let yourself get admitted? Your apparent memory loss was concerning, yes, but you felt more troubled by the knowledge that you were extremely reliant on people you didn’t know, and that took priority in your mind. The last thing you wanted was to drag this out in a tiny, obscure hospital room.

You noticed that the doctor’s imposing demeanor cracked for the first time. He looked mildly uncomfortable.

Perhaps you would have to take a different approach. If Saeran cared for you, you would have to take that into consideration when building a case for yourself.

“Listen,” you tried again, this time attempting to sound calmer. “I’ll do the imaging and the bloodwork. I’m not saying I won’t get treatment. I’m just saying that I don’t need to be admitted for it. I can still function and take care of myself. As I said, I’m aware enough to be able to make these choices for myself.”

Your words did nothing to ease his discomfort, but you didn’t back down.

The doctor sighed. “It _is_ your choice,” he said, typing something else into his laptop. The sound of the keys clicking was beginning to annoy you. “Though I do have to reiterate that you’re going against recommended medical treatment.”

You resisted the urge to roll your eyes. This man certainly had a lot to say for somebody who didn’t look at you when talking to you.

“We can schedule some imaging and get your bloodwork done today. I’ll have a nurse come in to do that for you. If anything else changes, call us right away.”

The relief that you didn’t have to fight anymore lifted a weight from your shoulders. The earlier discomfort between yourself and Saeran reached a new peak when the doctor left, however. The two of you remained silent in your respective corners of the room as you waited for the thin-lipped nurse to return. You still didn’t say much upon her arrival, focusing your attention on the posters to distract yourself from the needle going into your arm. 

Even once you were on your way, papers of appointment summaries and testing dates in hand, the uncomfortable silence persisted. Though you still remained steadfast in your decision, the prolonged quiet was beginning to make you feel antsy. The discontent between the two of you was so pungent you could nearly taste it.

As you emerged outside once again, stepping into the sunlight, you decided that you had to say something. You couldn’t take this anymore.

“Okay,” you folded the papers, creasing them with the nail of your thumb before stuffing them into your bag. “Sorry to cause you trouble today. I can probably go back home, though.”

The maps app usually had the home location of its owner stored, right? If not, it was probably on the hospital papers you’d just carelessly stuffed away. Either way, you were eager to put some distance between the two of you

Saeran paused for a moment, regarding you strangely. “Yeah, we’ll head home,” he said simply.

Apparently, your sentiments had gone right over your head. You tried to think of a way to make your intentions more obvious without sounding too rude. Though Saeran himself wasn’t intolerable, the worry in his mint eyes as they constantly trailed your movements had long since become a bit too much.

“Oh- don’t worry about it,” you quipped, attempting to sound nonchalant. “I’ve already bothered you enough. I can get back on my own.”

Saeran raised his eyebrows a tiny bit, as if your attempts at quelling his worries were having the opposite effect. You began to feel self-conscious under his scrutinizing gaze.

“You-” he paused. “We live together. With Saeyoung.”

_Oh._

You needed to learn to stay quiet. 

You forced an awkward chuckle, trying and failing to ignore the embarrassment settling in the pit of your stomach. “Oh. Yeah, that’s right.”

Another awkward silence fell between the two of you. You could almost feel your chest constricting, like it was trying to suffocate you from within.

This was _awful._

The thought that so much of your memories had just been wiped clean didn’t sit right with you. Had you really lost this much time? How had you gone from living your regular life to meeting someone, starting a romantic relationship, and moving in with them? 

It was too convenient. It didn’t make any sense. Though you didn’t know what you were suspicious of, there was a sense of paranoia following you around. You couldn’t deny that the people you’d met seemed to actually know you. You didn’t get the sense that any of them were lying to you, but that didn’t negate the fact that something was very wrong.

But what did that mean? That you’d stepped into somebody else’s life? 

That idea was just as ridiculous as part of your life being wiped clean from your memory.

But you couldn’t voice any of your concerns. Not after barely avoiding an extended stay at the hospital. This was something you would have to figure out on your own, and it would have to wait until you could afford some time alone. You would just have to bide your time and choose your words carefully until then.

“Saeyoung should be here soon,” Saeran, too, seemed to want to fill the awkward silence.

You nodded. “That’s… good.”

You both gave up.

You took your frustration out on the strap of your bag, twisting it inside an iron grip. Your fingers dug into the fabric, knuckles turning white under the pressure of the force you were exerting onto them.

You would just have to sit this out and put up with the tension. Just a little bit longer, you thought, until you could find some time alone. This felt bad, but it wouldn’t kill you. However, the longer you spent standing next to this unfamiliar man, watching people walk to and from their cars, the more you began to doubt that earlier statement. You turned your attention back to the sky, a brilliant cerulean, clouds watching you from above, periodically concealing the sun and shrouding the world in a slightly chilly shade.

It wasn’t until you heard another voice calling your and Saeran’s names that you felt any sort of relief. Walking toward you was another man with bright red hair and large, black and yellow-striped glasses. He wore a slightly baggy jacket, black, with yellow circles hugging the curvature of his shoulders. 

This must have been Saeyoung.

You found yourself doubting that you could forget somebody like this. Still, you entertained the possibility, searching for any familiarity.

Saeyoung was speed-walking towards the two of you, sporting a large grin. You noticed his eyes flickering between the two of you, lingering on you for just a split second longer. Something about his face, the shape of his cheeks and eyes, reminded you of Saeran. You briefly considered the relationship between them.

Probably brothers, you thought. They certainly looked the part.

Saeyoung greeted you, voice chipper.

“You feeling okay?” He asked, coming to a stop in front of you. “Saeran filled me in.”

It was the physical proximity that helped you affirm your expectations. You felt no connection, no familiarity with this man at all.

“Yeah,” you responded anyway. “I’m okay. Thanks.”

His grin widened a little bit. “Good! So, that means you know who I am, right?”

You stilled for a second. An awkward smile tugged at your lips, followed by a forced chuckle. Clearly, he had been joking, but an immense pressure suddenly fell onto you as you squirmed, squeezing the strap of your bag a little bit tighter.

“Sae- Saeyoung?” you stammered. The name felt clumsy and awkward in your mouth. It was obvious that you were taking a stab in the dark.

His grin faltered just a little bit, and your already fragile confidence dwindled further.

It was quiet, but not for long.

“We should get going,” Saeran interrupted the exchange. His voice was somewhat strained, like he was stifling something. You figured he probably felt just as uncomfortable as you did.

Saeyoung’s honey eyes lingered on you for just a second more before looking back up at Saeran. “Uh, yeah! Let’s do that. I parked close by.”

You were grateful to have the attention taken off of you. You felt stiff and rigid, unable to relax. As the three of you began to make the trek back towards Saeyoung’s car, you began to twirl a small, frayed thread of your bag’s seam. The thread was small between your thumb and index finger, barely providing any tactile stimulation, but it gave you something to focus on.

The car that you arrived at was surprisingly sporty, a deep cherry red with defined lines and curves. It stood out amongst the rest of the cars in the parking lot, a bright red beacon in a sea of muted colors. You felt out of place when approaching it, unfamiliar with interacting with such expensive cars. You followed Saeran around the passenger side of the car, coming to a halt when he opened the front door and looked at you expectantly. Though you felt awkward at the silent gesture, you offered him a slight smile as thanks and climbed into the car. You settled into the expensive seat, the leather feeling strange beneath your fingertips as you situated yourself.

The door was firmly shut next to you. You set your bag atop your lap after buckling your seatbelt, sitting as straight as a rod. You didn’t dare make use of the armrests in an attempt to make yourself appear as small as possible.

If you could have chosen to disappear at that point, you would have. This entire day had been testing you in more ways than one.

Though both of these people seemed to know you quite well, there was an unspoken tension in the air, like everybody was afraid of saying or doing something wrong. You felt strange sitting in a car with complete strangers. You couldn’t help feeling somewhat nervous. You had been taught your whole life to never do things like this, and here you were.

Your situation was out-of-the-ordinary, though. You had to actively remind yourself that there was no rulebook for handling whatever was happening to you right now.

You were lucky enough that you had people willing to help you. If you were completely alone in a place you didn’t recognize, that likely would have been worse. But that thought only helped so much.

You tried to keep the extent of your anxiety a secret. Your stiff posture and constantly averted eyes were a dead giveaway, but nobody said a word.

You were thankful for that.

* * *

If you thought the car was impressive, the house took it a step further. 

It was somewhat far from the city you’d been in. The entire drive down, you couldn’t shake the intrusive fear that you might end up somewhere dingy and run-down. As the buildings became more sparse and the vegetation increased, that fear only grew. You had started to consider what you would do if you ended up somewhere shady.

You had not been expecting to arrive at a bunker. 

It was stuffed far away from any of the main roads, down a few windy, obscure roads. It was a strange route, almost like all of the small, twisty roads were supposed to be hard to follow. That thought, which initially hadn’t been serious, became more plausible upon your arrival. You bypassed a locked door, the password to which was spoken in a foreign language of some sort. The intricacy of the system impressed you as much as it made you feel anxious.

Hopefully, you could still make a break for it if you needed to.

As if the car and security system hadn’t been intimidating enough, you found that the inside of the house was just as nice. The walls were bright, with windows allowing in sunlight. The kitchen was nice, and the interior was open enough that it felt expansive, allowing you to breathe a little bit easier. There were two halls off to the side with a few doors each. You assumed those doors were a combination of bedrooms and bathrooms, offering some privacy from the main part of the house.

This place was nice, you thought, if a little far away from the rest of the world. 

You found it hard to believe that a place like this could have been wiped from your memory so easily. Not for the first time, you doubted that your current predicament was one of memory loss. Somehow, it felt much deeper than that. 

You didn’t have long to stand and deliberate. Saeran led you to your room, still rather quiet. When you opened the door, you felt like you’d stepped into an entirely different world. It was an eerie feeling to gaze upon a room that couldn’t have possibly been yours. It was unfamiliar, unlike what your room at home looked like. It was orderly and neat, but almost too much so. The bed was perfectly made, sparse knick-knacks uniform and facing forward. There wasn’t any disarray to the room whatsoever, and it felt strangely empty because of it. 

You couldn’t shake the feeling that you were intruding on somebody else’s life, stepping into their shoes and claiming their world as your own. 

This wasn’t your room. You didn’t live like this. The room itself felt bare, void, and it made you feel uneasy.

Even when you were left alone to settle in, you struggled to relax completely. You could very faintly hear Saeran and Saeyoung in the main part of the house, indecipherable words whispered in hushed voices, but you paid it no mind. 

Now that you were finally alone, you wanted to understand your situation as much as possible.

The first thing that you did was pull out the phone and allow yourself access. You searched for the maps app and pulled it up, zooming out from your location to get a better idea of where exactly you were. The more you zoomed out, though, the more uneasy you became. 

There was no denying it. You’d never been here before. You’d never been close to this place. The more you stared at the marker on the map, the more troubled you began to feel. This didn’t sit right. It made your stomach feel heavy.

You tried to push the apprehension out of your mind temporarily, in a rush to move on. You closed the app and pulled up the phone’s contacts, scrolling through them for any recognizable names. Your heart dropped when you realized they were all familiar. You were unable to recognize a single name. There was no mention of parents or any other family members, no “Mom” or “Dad to be seen. Just a list of names you were unable to recognize.

Though your trepidation only grew, you tried to put it out of your mind to move on.

You moved on to the dial pad next, but paused when you pulled it up. The numbers stared at you expectantly as you thought about the people you knew back home, trying to figure out who to call. Eventually, you made a snap decision and began to input a series of numbers with the hope that somebody would pick up and help you figure out what was going on.

You needed a familiar voice. You didn’t care who it was. 

You waited, holding your breath as you held the phone up to your ear over and over again, listening to the dial tone bore itself into your head continuously. But none of the calls went through. Every time that you heard the digitized female voice tell you that your calls wouldn’t connect, your morale was crushed a little bit more.

No connected calls. No voicemails. No nothing. It was as if they didn’t exist anymore. The numbers hadn’t been recycled. They were just gone. 

But none of the numbers you tried went through. With every time you heard the digitized female voice telling you that your call wouldn’t go through, your morale was crushed just a little bit more. No connected calls. No voicemails. No nothing.

Your earlier fears were being confirmed. Something was very, _very_ wrong. This wasn't just a case of forgotten memories. You hadn’t lost months out of your life. 

Your life had been completely eradicated, and you’d been sent to fill somebody else’s shoes. This life didn’t belong to a forgotten version of you- it belonged to somebody else entirely.

But you knew that you couldn’t tell anyone. You’d just barely avoided being hospitalized. The last thing you needed was for them to think you’d completely lost your mind.

You were in this on your own.

It took considerable effort for you to think past that realization. Your chest was tight, heavy, constricted, like it was trying to prevent you from breathing. You could feel the oncoming onslaught of anxiety, but you knew that you didn’t have time to entertain it.

Saeran and Saeyoung weren’t your enemies. You knew that. But you wanted to ensure that you rifled through everything before they came looking for you and witnessed you upturning the entire room. The more you could keep the true nature of your situation a secret from them, the better.

You exited the dial pad and opened up the photos, bottom lip trapped between your teeth, intent on finding out as much about this other you that you could. You scrolled through the photos, scanning through them. You felt gross, invasive as you did so, but that wasn’t your primary worry. A shudder wracked through your body violently, covering you in goosebumps. 

This person really did look exactly like you. The physical resemblance was extremely off-putting, and you felt nauseous looking at them. There was a difference in their demeanor, however, that instantly set the two of you apart. This person, not-you, was sunnier than you were. 

You weren’t a dark person. You weren’t gloomy, nor did you bring a dark cloud with you everywhere that you went. But you weren’t like the person you were looking at in these photos. This person, this separate you, was lighter in a way that set them apart from most people. There was a softness to the way they carried themselves, something that you instantly knew you couldn’t replicate. 

Many of the pictures were with Saeran, though he didn’t start showing up in the camera roll until a couple of months ago. He wasn’t there and then he was, like he’d magically appeared in your life. Even the very first photos of the two of you depicted you holding hands, fingers interlaced in an extremely intimate way. It was like Saeran and not-you shared a world apart from everyone else. The pictures were all pink cheeks and gentle smiles. 

No wonder Saeran had been so taken aback when meeting you. While not inherently rude, you were abrasive, outspoken, and usually fairly blunt.

You weren’t _this._

  
  


Even as you went farther back in the camera roll, looking at photos way before Saeran’s arrival, it was clear that you were not the person in these photos. You remembered what you’d been doing at some of these ages. Ages for which you retained your memories. And it wasn’t what you were looking at.

You pressed your lips together, looking away from the phone as you tried to think.

How were you supposed to navigate this? What were you supposed to do? How were you supposed to understand and reverse a situation that didn’t make any sense at all?

You could feel the throbbing of an oncoming headache. You raised a hand to your temples, massaging them with your fingers as you attempted to keep your breathing as steady as possible. You couldn’t let yourself freak out about this too much.

It wasn’t until the phone vibrated that you came back to your senses. A banner appeared at the top of the screen, boasting a notification from the same app that you’d been messaging Saeran through. It was an instant distraction from your internal dilemma, and you welcomed it with open arms.

  
  


[new chatroom] How’s the party coordinator??

  
  


You quirked an eyebrow, not sparing any time to think before you tapped the notification. It reopened the _RFA_ app, and you watched the same spinning circle as the app loaded, booting itself up. This time, instead of sending you to a thread of private messages, you were instantly thrown into what seemed to be a group chat.

Your mouth went dry. You hadn’t been expecting to get thrown right in. 

  
  
  


**You entered the chatroom**

**Yoosung★:**

Ah! There you are! :)

**Yoosung★:**

We were worried! Are you okay?

**Jaehee Kang:**

I hope you didn’t injure yourself.

  
  


You felt your heart jump as you read through the onslaught of coming messages from more people that you didn’t know. 

Were they talking to you? Did they want you to respond? You stared at the screen, frozen.

  
  


**Yoosung★:**

…

**Yoosung★:**

Why aren’t you saying anything? T_T

  
  


They were most definitely talking to you. 

Fueled by an intense surge of anxiety, you exited back out of the app immediately, effectively removing yourself from the chatroom. Your face felt hot with embarrassment and you sat completely still for a few seconds, your mind spinning itself in circles as you tried to process what had just happened.

They’d referred to you as a party coordinator. Was this your job? Did that mean these people were your coworkers? 

How humiliating.

You _had_ to start thinking before you acted. Every word you said, every notification you’d opened had just gotten you into trouble. The more mishaps you could prevent, the better. Though this life wasn’t yours, you would be the one bearing the consequences of your actions for the foreseeable future. 

You decided that you’d looked through the phone enough. It was a magnet for trouble.

You tried to take your mind off of the encounter by surveying the room once more. This time you looked a bit closer, rifling through drawers, opening the folders on the desk, and examining knick-knacks. Most of what you found was relatively unassuming, nothing of particular importance. Clothes, office supplies, some books- all relatively impersonal items. You did find a list of names and information in a file titled ‘Previous Party Guests,’ which you assumed had something to do with your job. You made a mental note of that, deciding to come back and look at it later. 

You also found a small stash of more personal items, including some photos of not-you with a variety of other people. Some of the photos seemed recent, while others seemed significantly older. It was like you were taking a quick, outside glance into the life that you were now expected to live. A handful of the photos were of not-you and Saeran, smiling together in a variety of different settings. They had a similar feeling about them like the digital photos. There was a softness, a genuine affection in Saeran’s eyes as he regarded not-you, like there was nobody else in the world worth looking at

Though you knew that this situation wasn’t your fault, you still found yourself feeling strangely guilty. This wasn’t just uprooting your own life, but others’ as well.

After a few seconds more of flipping through the photographs, trying to commit various faces to memory, you returned them to the box you’d found them in and pushed it back under the bed. There was only so much you could get from photographs of people you didn’t know.

With a sigh, you glanced around the room once more.

Who was this person? Whose life had you taken? What shoes were you expected to step into, and how could you hide the extent of your situation from these people?

Your predicament was feeling more and more impossible by the second.

If these people, not-you’s friends, heard you claim that you weren’t the person they knew and that you’d lived an entirely different life, hospitalization would be unavoidable. They would immediately consider you ill, and while that was a rational conclusion on their end, you knew that there had to be more to this. There would be nothing you could do from a hospital room. 

You couldn’t sit around in a hospital bed, waiting for memories that weren’t yours to return to you. It just wouldn’t happen.

There was a knock on your door and someone called your name. You shot up from the floor, momentarily worried that they would just enter and bear witness to you rifling around the room. The door remained shut, though, and you were able to relax a bit. 

You approached the door and opened it to see Saeyoung standing a bit away from the door with a friendly smile. Standing this close to him, you were able to take notice of just how much he looked like Saeran. It had been obvious that they were related before, but given the closer proximity, it stood out to you even more. Besides the red hair and golden eyes, they looked almost exactly alike.

_Twins?_

Most likely twins.

“Hey,” Saeyoung greeted you with a voice slightly less animated than before. There was a strange edge to the way he spoke, like he was taking care in approaching you. “Can I talk to you for a sec?”

You didn’t like the sound of that.

“Oh, sure,” you stepped aside, allowing him entry into the room. Once he entered you shut the door behind him. It felt slightly awkward to be in a small room with him.

It wasn’t until you noticed Saeyoung relaxing a bit that you began to feel a little bit better, too.

He met your eyes, looking at you with a mixture of curiosity and something nearing sorrow. “You really… don’t remember anything?”

Your lips parted slightly, but you didn’t answer right away. You weren’t sure why you wanted to respond in a way that didn’t hurt his feelings, but you did. Ultimately, though, you knew that there wasn’t much you could do. You couldn’t lie to these people by claiming to know them. They were strangers to you, and there was no way of hiding that. 

So you shook your head. “I really don’t. I’m sorry.”

You couldn’t quite read Saeyoung. He looked at you silently for a few seconds. The cheery demeanor that you remembered from the hospital had all but disappeared. In its place was a solemnity that you hadn’t expected to see from him.

“Not your fault,” he told you. “I know you didn’t exactly choose this.”

That was the understatement of the day. You just shook your head.

“Then I guess asking this is going to be a bit stranger than I was hoping for,” Saeyoung seemed to be gauging your reaction as he spoke. “But I’m a little worried about Saeran. You guys are close and this is hard on him.”

You didn’t say anything. Saeyoung continued.

“Since you don’t remember, I should probably explain at least a little bit. You helped him through something pretty tough not that long ago. He relies on you a lot. I don’t want to ask you to do something you’re uncomfortable with, but could you talk to him?”

You met Saeyoung’s gaze. His eyes were like honey- a strange, bright color you hadn’t seen before. There was a genuine concern in his eyes. You could tell by the way he spoke that Saeran was important to him, that he was worried about his brother’s well-being.

You found yourself wondering if the two of them shared a mission to make you feel guilty. If so, it was working.

You weren’t sure what you could do or say to make Saeran feel better. You couldn’t take on a role that you were unfamiliar with, and you weren’t willing to pretend to be someone that you weren’t. But you did sympathize with him. He’d been gentle with you when you met, genuinely worried about you, and didn’t put up much of a fight even when you had been agitated.

If nothing else, Saeran had been the closest thing to an anchor you’d had at the very beginning. He might not have understood the magnitude of his actions, given he didn’t know the true nature of your predicament, but it was important to you all the same.

You didn’t know Saeran, and you didn’t know what Saeyoung had been alluding to when saying that you’d ‘helped him through something pretty tough.’ But you could tell he’d been close with not-you. Though you weren’t the person he thought you were, you felt a bit of an obligation to ensure that not-you’s life didn’t completely fall apart.

If talking to Saeran could help him feel a little bit better, that was something you could do. Getting to know him couldn’t hurt, either. 

“Yeah, I can do that,” you wrung your hands together a little bit as you spoke. “If nothing else, I should apologize for yelling at him.”

Saeyoung’s eyebrows shot up, disappearing behind his bangs. “You _yelled_ at him?” A bit of humor bled into his voice, lips quirking into a smile. “ _You_ did?”

Was not-you not known for yelling? Somehow, given their sunny demeanor, you weren’t particularly surprised.

You forced a small chuckle. “Yeah, I did. Admittedly not my finest moment.”

Saeyoung aimed a cheeky grin in your direction. “There’s a first for everything, right?”

It was clear that you agreeing to speak with Saeran had lifted a weight from his shoulder, and that made you feel a bit more confident in your decision. A smile worked its way to your lips for the first time since you’d arrived.

Saeyoung returned to the door and opened it. “Saeran’s just out in the living room,” he told you. “I’ll leave you guys alone.”

You nodded and followed him out into the hallway, pulling the door shut behind you. “Sure. Thanks.”

Saeyoung sent you another smile before the two of you parted, heading in opposite directions. You made your way back to the main part of the house, which felt far brighter and more open than the room you’d just been in. It took you a split second to find Saeran, standing by the windows and gazing up at the sky. He seemed to be lost in his own thoughts, mint eyes unfocused like he was somewhere far away.

You stood in the middle of the room, feeling somewhat like a child waiting to get their parent’s attention. The idea of breaking the silence was somewhat intimidating, but you knew that you would have to do so.

_Don’t think. Just speak._

“Uh, hey.”

You could have cringed. Your voice felt out of place, small in the expanse of the room. But it had done its job. Saeran instantly moved away from the window, glancing over and meeting your gaze. Before he could seize the chance to say anything you continued, rushing to move past uncomfortable introductions.

“It is okay if I talk to you?” You asked, absentmindedly spinning one of the rings you had on.

Saeran’s response came quickly. “Always,” he responded. “You don’t have to ask.”

There was a certain amount of fondness in Saeran’s voice. You could tell that his demeanor had changed a bit from earlier. He appeared more relaxed than earlier, less standoffish, and you were grateful for that. He seemed approachable in a way he hadn’t been before.

This time, it was Saeran who spoke before you could get a response out. He glanced toward a small door in the corner of the room before looking back at you.

“Let’s speak outside,” he gestured toward the small door before leading you toward it. You followed him quietly, waiting as he opened the door to a small patio outside. You noted a collection of various flower pots, most of which had small sprigs of plants and flowers poking through dark brown soil. There were a few hanging pots as well, with leaves and vines tumbling over the edge like curtains. The patio felt homey and gentle, the plants emitting a variety of earthy and slightly floral scents. It was soothing to stand there, the early spring sun splaying across your person as you came to a stop.

The patio was small but comfortable. There was a slightly intimate feel to it, and though it was somewhat strange, it was also a nice break from the house. You noticed Saeran glancing from pot to pot, eyes focused on each individual sprig, and you wondered if he’d grown all of these. Somehow, you could imagine him having a green thumb.

In the end, you decided not to ask. 

“Listen,” you garnered his attention once more, his gaze moving from the plants to you. “I wanted to say sorry.”

Saeran’s eyebrows rose a little bit, mint eyes bright in the sunshine. The light bled into his hair a bit, smearing silver and pink together. His gaze was now completely focused on you, plants forgotten.

“What for?” He asked, as if genuinely confused.

You weren’t sure if it was because of the falling sun in the Western horizon, but something about Saeran’s demeanor seemed far softer than it had earlier in the day. He spoke to you fondly, in a way that made you feel slightly bad for not being the person he thought you were. Apologizing seemed far more plausible now that he seemed to be more open to your presence.

“Well, for yelling,” you shifted your weight to the back of your heels, feeling as if you had to move under the weight of his gaze. “And for getting aggressive. Obviously now I know that you were just worried and wanted to help. But I didn’t know that at first, and I didn’t know where I was, either. So I was really freaked out.”

Saeran’s lips quirked into the smallest of smiles, impossibly gentle in the evening sunlight. “You don’t need to be sorry. If I’d have known, I would have approached you differently. I’m sorry for scaring you.”

You raised your hands up, waving them back and forth a few times in an attempt to dismiss his apology. “No, not at all,” you returned his smile with one of your own. “You couldn’t have known. Really, it’s okay.”

There was a strange intensity to the way Saeran regarded you. It wasn’t as if he was angry or otherwise upset. Rather, he seemed curious, as if he was gauging who you were and trying to understand you from a slightly different perspective. You noticed that his hands were stuffed deep into his pockets, hidden away from sight, and you were briefly brought back to the photos you’d looked through. You could practically see them, the interlaced fingers and constant hand-holding, an overlooked yet strangely intimate gesture that he’d shared with not-you.

With that in mind, the sight of Saeran’s hands in his pockets somehow made you sad. 

For the first time, you found yourself truly wondering why something like that had to happen. Why your life had been uprooted, replaced with somebody else’s, stirring up whirlwinds all around you. This was hurting other people just as much as it was hurting you. It was obvious that everybody was confused, yet you were unable to communicate the true nature of what was going on. 

You wondered for a second if not-you was in a similar predicament, trying to navigate your life. What things that, to you, seemed so simple, were proving to be an obstacle to them? Were they trying to understand how to interact with the people around you, too?

You felt a lofty weight upon your shoulders, a strange responsibility to keep their life in order as much as you could. Hopefully, they would do the same for you, too.

It was a strange series of thoughts. But everything had been strange to you today.

Before you truly thought your words though, you began speaking again. 

“I’m sure that this is hard for you. I know I can’t quite be the same person you’re used to me being. But there’s no reason we can’t still talk and be friends, yeah? I’m sure that everything’ll go back to normal in no time,” you looked up at him, hoping to convey the same earnesty that he’d been giving you.

This situation wasn’t your fault. Yet, you still felt a responsibility to fix things as much as you possibly could.

You couldn’t quite tell what Saeran was thinking. He was as open as he was guarded, a strange dichotomy that you struggled to make sense of. There was a very brief silence after you were done speaking, but it was long enough for you to wonder if you’d overstepped any boundaries.

Had you spoken too quickly? Made an unfavorable suggestion? Had you only made things worse by acting without thinking again?

Your fears were put to rest a few seconds later.

“You’re right,” Saeran eventually responded. “I don’t want to pressure you, so I didn’t want to say anything. It’s just that-”

There was another pause. The sprigs waved their small leaves in the breeze, basking in the golden sunlight.

“You’re very precious to me.”

You held Saeran’s gaze for a little while, taking note of the slightest tint of pink splayed upon his cheeks despite the solemnity of his demeanor. You couldn’t tell him that you weren’t the person that he was looking for, and that made you feel even more like you were intruding on somebody else’s conversation. These words weren’t meant for you. These sentiments were not yours to share or to receive. Yet here you were, receiving them regardless.

Saeran, though he seemed to be trying to hide it, looked at you like you were the entire world. You weren’t sure if anyone had ever looked at you in such a way before. There was something warm about it, more so than the sunlight, but the circumstances of your situation only made you feel cold.

You weren’t sure how you were going to make any of this right by yourself. All you knew was that somehow, you would have to.

This responsibility lay on your shoulders alone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy holidays to everyone who celebrates! To those of you who don't celebrate or don't enjoy the holidays for whatever reason, we can commiserate together. :)
> 
> This style is very different from what I usually write- fluff is challenging for me because I'm usually all about angst. Even though there's not much fluff in here, I hope that the parts that I did add are okay ^^
> 
> Thank you so so much for all of the kudos and comments on the last chapter. It made me super happy to see the response as I was pretty unsure about this fic. I'm glad to see it's going over well and I really hope everyone continues to enjoy this going forward :) If there's ever anything you want to say, please go ahead and leave a comment. I love interacting with readers!
> 
> Anyways, I hope that everyone had a good day. Stay warm and take care :)


	3. Unfamiliar Familiarities

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which you get put on temporary leave and discover that you've arrived in this world at the worst possible time

The first night that you spent in the house was uneasy and uncomfortable. It felt wrong to lay in a bed that wasn’t yours, and you weren’t able to relax enough to sleep. In the dark of night, everything about your situation felt much more serious, much more frightening. It was like the rising moon brought with it an affirmation of reality, which festered as the shadows became deeper and darker. 

You had to come to terms with the fact that you weren’t going home that night. 

It was a sobering feeling. It was incredibly lonely. Everything that you were familiar with, that brought you comfort, was no more. There was nothing here that you could find solace in, nothing for you to ease into. You were completely stranded in a world that wasn’t yours, alone, left to fend for yourself.

At first, you didn’t even bother trying to sleep. Even as the sky turned inky and the hands of the clock finished a rotation around its circumference you sat awake, eyes wandering around the room that you didn’t belong in. You even went far enough to go through social media apps. Initially, you looked up the handles of people that you knew personally, but after so many empty searches and the subsequent crushing of your already meager hope, you moved on. Scrolling aimlessly kept you busy for a time.

But even that wasn’t enough to keep your mind from returning to the same thoughts. You were unable to shake them, like they were shackled to your ankles permanently. You were extremely aware that nothing about this situation felt real. It didn't make any sense. Logically, things like this just didn’t happen, and even after hours of racking your brain, you couldn’t find any possible explanation. There was no understanding that which inherently just didn’t make any sense.

Where did that leave you, though? How could you fix this when you couldn’t understand what went wrong in the first place? It was the lack of knowledge that really grated on you. You were stranded, yes, but you were also completely clueless. You couldn’t claw your way out of this, but you didn’t know what your other options were, either.

As the hours of the night passed you by, you noticed that more chatrooms popped up in the RFA app periodically. According to Saeran, it was a messenger app for a fundraising group that you were a part of. Apparently, you were the party coordinator; the very same one mentioned in the first chatroom that you accidentally joined. You had a history of getting along with everybody else in the group, a small handful of other people you didn’t remember. Still trying to hide the true extent of your memory loss, you didn’t ask for any names or descriptions.

You refrained from joining any of the chatrooms that appeared during the night, the embarrassment of your earlier mishap having destroyed your confidence. It seemed as if somebody was always awake, as there were usually only two or three hours between new chatrooms. Even when you had eventually fallen asleep, they continued to pop up with a _ding_ from your phone.

It was better that you didn’t join, despite your curiosity. The more you could avoid acting strangely, the better off you would be. Hopefully, with time, you would learn what was normal for not-you and how to emulate that as well as you could. 

It was a tall order, though. You could tell that this person was markedly different from you, and that made your job much more difficult. The thought of remaining here for long enough to emulate this person made you feel slightly queasy. You didn’t want to stretch out this experience for any longer than you already had to. Trying to understand and uphold pretenses with a world that you weren’t familiar with was incredibly exhausting. You would never be able to be entirely authentic, and nobody would ever know. You couldn’t be not-you, but you couldn’t be you, either.

It was a cycle of those intrusive thoughts that continued to grate at you as you struggled to sleep that night. It wasn’t until exhaustion eventually outweighed your overworked mind that you were able to fall into a restless sleep. You would periodically wake up though, opening your eyes in the middle of the night to be continuously greeted by the same room that you couldn’t recognize. Every time you did, you would feel disappointed all over again. It was like spending the night in a hotel room and being rendered sleepless. The air felt different, the ambiance was unfamiliar, and your sleeping suffered as a result

But you were eventually able to get a few hours of interrupted sleep.

It was frustratingly early in the morning when you were, once again, awoken from your sleep. Though you were bleary and exhausted, your irritation at waking up again fueled you to finally get out of bed and forfeit the possibility of any more sleep. Your eyes were slightly bloodshot and noticeably puffy, but you were more than happy to put up with that if it meant finally ending the night. Your entire predicament was strange enough, but not being able to sleep had just added insult to injury.

Rifling through clothes that weren’t your own felt uncomfortably invasive and incredibly wrong, but you forced yourself to do so anyway. You tried to pick out the most unassuming outfit you could, but it still felt bad to get dressed in clothes that didn’t belong to you. The fabric felt strange against your skin, and though you’d dressed rather blandly, you remained hyper-aware of your appearance for the first half of the morning.

Every time you looked out of your window, the sun had risen a little bit higher, and the smeared colors of the sky changed a little bit. The morning passed you by slowly, but you didn’t feel comfortable enough to leave the room for too long. The thought of more uncomfortable interactions with either of the brothers you lived with made your skin crawl. At least in this room, you didn’t have to worry about hiding your internal conflict.

You tried to convince yourself that you would get used to all of this soon enough. You would form a routine and stick to it to find some reprieve. Even though you didn’t want to have to stay here for that long, you were plagued by the feeling that it may be a while before you were able to return home. That thought and the accompanying hopelessness were almost debilitatingly upsetting.

So you tried to offer yourself some comfort by attempting to assure yourself that there was nothing wrong with taking things slowly.

It was nearing noon when your phone vibrated. A glance at the screen yielded a familiar notification.

[new chatroom] We’ll meet up and talk!

Your eyebrows drew together as you read the title, but you still decided not to join the chat. It was fairly easy to guess the subject of the chatroom, but that didn’t entice you to join. The RFA intimidated you a bit, and the last thing you wanted to do was to continue embarrassing yourself. 

A part of you hoped that this gathering wasn’t mandatory, but the other half of you maintained that it would probably be good to get to know these people. If you were a part of the RFA, you would likely have to spend a considerable time around them at some point. Remaining inside of a small, safe bubble was impractical. You couldn’t avoid your problems forever.

But that wouldn’t stop you from trying.

It wasn’t long before there was a knock at your door. You opened it and exchanged good mornings with Saeran, who informed you of the imminent arrival of the rest of the RFA. You tried not to let your slight anxiety show, but Saeran seemed adept at picking up your moods.

“Are you nervous?” He asked you after you lapsed into a momentary silence.

You nodded. There wasn’t much point in lying. “Yeah, a little,” you admitted. “This is a little bit intimidating.

Saeran gave you a small smile, the corners of his lips turning up just slightly.

“Don’t worry,” he tried to ease your nerves gently. “I’ll be there with you. So will Saeyoung. If you have any questions, all you have to do is ask me.”

You held Saeran’s gaze. Though it felt slightly odd to have a stranger care for you in such a genuine way, you decided that it was probably fine to accept the comfort, even if it wasn’t meant for you. So you returned his smile with one of your own.

“Thanks. I’ll keep that in mind.”

There was a brief moment of hesitation on Saeran’s end, his mouth opening for a few seconds before he spoke again.

“I don’t know them very well yet, either,” he told you. “So don’t feel alone. The RFA is nice, though. They care about you a lot. They’ll understand that you’re having a hard time.”

It was odd for you to consider this group of strangers as people who truly cared about you. You were an imposter among them, far from the person they thought you were. But knowing that they would be at least relatively understanding was a comfort to you. The burden on your shoulders lessened with the revelation that you had a little bit of wiggle room.

But Saeran’s words ignited another question within you. “Are you new to the RFA? I mean, if you don’t know them too well.”

Saeran seemed to think for a minute like he was deliberating how to answer your question.

“Yes, I’m the newest member,” he eventually responded, looking back over at you. “But you only joined a week and a half before I did. So you’re technically new, too. It’s only been about two months since we joined.”

Your eyebrows shot up in surprise. For reasons unknown to you, you had assumed you’d been a part of the RFA for much longer.

What had you been doing before then?

Despite the questions that revelation prompted, you did feel a little bit better about the gathering. It was comforting to know that you were new, and that you weren’t the only one who was new. That meant that there would be less pressure on you.

That thought kept you company as you waited. You were able to breathe a little bit easier with its presence.

The first members you met were Zen and Yoosung, who arrived first. You instantly recognized them from some of the photographs that you had looked through the previous night. Zen was tall and well-built, with hair as silver as moonlight and ruby red eyes. Yoosung was the opposite- shorter, leaner, with dyed-blonde hair that he attempted to tame with a few clips. 

They both seemed to be relatively nice, but you weren’t sure how to approach them. The awareness that you were taking the place of the person they thought you were was making you feel slightly awkward. 

Maybe they didn’t know, but you did. 

It seemed that you didn’t have to worry about striking up a conversation though because Yoosung made quick work of searching you out. 

“I was so worried about you!” He exclaimed, approaching you with wide eyes. “You came into the chatroom yesterday and just left!”

Your face went hot at the memory.

You would have preferred if nobody remembered that, but it seemed your expectations were a tad too high.

“Uh, yeah. Sorry about that,” you shifted your weight from one foot to the other, trying to rid yourself of some nervous energy. “I was a little overwhelmed at the time.”

Zen approached Yoosung from behind with a frown. “Come on, Yoosung,” he chided, his voice drawled into a slight nag. “Saeyoung already explained in the messenger. There’s no reason to freak out anymore.”

Yoosung threw a frown over his shoulder in Zen’s direction, launching into a series of passionate complaints. At the same time, your eyebrows quirked upwards slightly.

Saeyoung had already told them that you forgot? That definitely saved you the trouble of figuring out how to explain the situation to a group of strangers. A portion of the weight on your shoulders was lifted with the knowledge that you didn’t have to live up to anyone’s expectations. You would have to thank Saeyoung later.

“Stop nagging me!” Yoosung snapped. “I’m not freaking out- I was just worried. And so were you!”

Saeyoung grinned as he approached the three of you. His eyes were filled to the brim with mischief. “The both of you are so motherly. The RFA is a haven of trust and concern for all members. How lovely!”

Yoosung's complaints were redirected towards Saeyoung. This time, Zen joined in too. You felt yourself beginning to space out, slightly overwhelmed. Even though there were only two more people than usual, the house was already bustling with activity, steadily growing louder. Your head began to pound slightly, suffering after a night of poor sleep, and you could only hope that the rest of the members weren’t as loud as the three in front of you right now.

This was proving to be as difficult as you had anticipated, just for very different reasons.

“But yeah, it really is a shame,” Zen’s comment broke you out of your reverie, and you looked over to meet his gaze. “You really don’t remember anything about us at all?”

Of course, the topic of conversation just had to shift to something uncomfortable. You pressed your lips together for a second before shaking your head. 

“No, I really don’t.”

Zen visibly deflated, his eyes becoming somewhat sad. You could practically feel the disappointment filling the air. Yoosung averted his eyes, looking away from you. The momentary silence that descended made you feel slightly guilty.

You felt obligated to say something to make this better. 

“I’m sure this isn’t easy,” you worded your sentence carefully. “I’m sorry.”

Zen opened his mouth to say something, but Yoosung beat him to it.

“No, you don’t have anything to be sorry for,” he interjected quickly, and you shifted your gaze over to him. Yoosung appeared serious, eyebrows downturned slightly. “We’re all a bit sad, but it’s not your fault.”

“Yeah, that’s what I was gonna say,” Zen added. “It’s not fair for you to be sorry. We’re all fine, so just concentrate on getting better.”

Saeyoung, apparently immune to serious conversations, slapped his hands to his chest. “You’re all so caring,” his voice wavered dramatically. “It’s really such a-“

“Saeyoung, _stop_ ,” Yoosung interrupted, sounding exasperated. “This is serious. You’re just making light of everything.

You rushed to join in the conversation. A part of you preferred the joking over the serious talk. It was a bit too demanding for you. 

“It’s fine,” you interjected, smiling awkwardly. “There’s no point in being too gloomy.”

“But it _is_ a big deal,” Yoosung insisted, turning his pout towards you. Though his cheeks were puffed out in an almost childish way, there was a sincerity to his words. He was worried about you.

“You can’t remember any of us,” he continued. “We shouldn’t joke about something like that!”

Your strained smile dwindled. “I get that, but if things are going to be too serious, I think I’ll lose it. I’d rather _somebody_ jokes.”

Saeyoung, unperturbed by Yoosung’s discontent, seemed to glow with pride. “The party coordinator has spoken!” He announced. Yoosung huffed from next to him.

“Well, you’ve always joked with him,” Zen commented, looking from Saeyoung back to you. “I guess that much hasn’t changed.”

_Noted._

“Besides,” Saeyoung appeared to be simmering down a little bit, “we can talk about more serious things once Jumin and Jaehee get here. That’s what the meeting’s for.”

Zen deadpanned. “Yeah, let’s save all of that for the CEO-in-line. God knows we can’t have any fun with his merciless corporate ass here.”

Though you quirked an eyebrow, you didn’t say anything. You attempted to gather information about the RFA’s dynamics. Their interactions had taken you by surprise, as you’d expected them to be a bit more formal with each other, given that they were connected through an official fundraising group. Instead, it seemed that everyone was casual with each other. They were friends more than they were colleagues.

Except for Zen and the CEO-in-line, apparently.

“Anyways, where’s Saeran?” Yoosung asked, scanning the room quickly. “I haven’t seen him yet, and I’ve been worried. This has to be really hard on him. He hasn’t been active on the messenger at all.”

This time, you felt like you were the one deflating. Yoosung’s words sucked something out of you, and despite knowing that you weren’t truly at fault for any of this, you couldn’t help feeling guilty.

Apparently, you weren’t very good at hiding your dismay. Zen swatted the back of Yoosung’s head with a glare. “Hey, what would you say that for? You’re making everyone feel bad again.”

Yoosung turned, ready to fire back at Zen, but paused before he could say anything. As if suddenly hit by an epiphany, his eyes widened and darted back to you.

“Ah- I’m sorry!” He held his hands up as he apologized. “I wasn’t trying to imply anything. Of course this isn’t your fault!”

You shook your head, forcing a tight-lipped smile. “Don’t worry about it. I know you didn’t mean it like that.”

It seemed like everyone was walking on eggshells around you. You were beginning to grow more and more uncomfortable with the attention.

Saeyoung changed the subject quickly.

“I think Saeran’s still outside. I’ll go and get him.”

You rushed to interject. An opportunity to step away was staring you down, and you weren’t about to waste it.

“Can I go, actually?” Your question stopped Saeyoung in his tracks, and he looked back at you. “I could use the fresh air.”

Saeyoung smiled. “Sure. Go ahead.”

_Thank God._

You turned around and made your way toward the patio door. Quiet chattering resumed behind you. Once you reached the door you pulled it open and stepped outside into the afternoon air, which caressed your cheeks gently as a small breeze passed you by. The smell of the earth and the plants cultivating outside was gentle, and you relished in the respite it gave you from the stress inside. Already, the peace and quiet from being outside was beginning to soothe your mind.

You took a few more steps out and stopped, letting the tension in your muscles melt away. You would look for Saeran in a few seconds. You needed just a few minutes to yourself.

Though the RFA appeared incredibly nice so far, they carried with them a chaotic energy and intense familiarity that made you feel slightly displaced. You’d already felt wound up since the morning, having slept far too little, and you found that your head had begun to throb after just a few moments around the RFA. Outside, standing in the relative warmth of the sunlight, you felt like you were able to find some solace.

You drew in a deep breath, held it for a few seconds, and exhaled, bringing your hand up to massage at your temples slightly.

“Did something happen?”

The voice took you by surprise and sent a small jolt through your body. Your head whipped to the side, eyes landing on Saeran. He had been leaning against the wall just next to the door. Apparently, you had walked past him without noticing he was there.

You put a hand to your chest, trying to still your thumping heart. 

How awkward.

When you didn’t immediately respond, Saeran asked again. 

“Are you okay?”

You forced a smile to your face, trying to redeem yourself with a small chuckle. “Oh, yeah. Sorry. I just walked right past you, huh?”

_I really just did that._

Saeran offered you a small smile of his own in response. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

You waved off his apology without a word, your heart having already returned to its regular pace. The wind blew between the two of you, extending the quietude that had descended on the patio. For just a second, you observed the small sprigs dancing in the breeze with an innocent delight. You glanced over at Saeran out of the corner of your eyes to find that he had done the same. Your eyes met momentarily and a slight flush colored his cheeks before he smiled again, a mix of contentment and slight embarrassment. 

“They’re lively, aren’t they?” Saeran asked, as if trying to fill the air. “The RFA, I mean.”

A small, blossoming flower bobbed in the wind, weighed down ever so slightly by the unbloomed bud. There was something endearing about this place, you thought, filled with so much green and color. It was like a small escape.

“That’s one way of putting it,” you joked, glancing back toward the door to the house. “Are they all so energetic? Because I’m not sure how I’ll handle it if the last two are like them.”

Though Saeran was a formidable distance away from you, there was something about him that made you feel welcome, like his company was relaxing in and of itself. It was nice in its simplicity.

“Jaehee Kang and Jumin Han are much quieter,” Saeran responded. “Though, they’re also older. I don’t think they’ll overwhelm you quite as much. They’re a bit more serious.”

You noticed Saeran referring to the two by their full names, but you resisted the urge to ask him why. Instead, you voiced another question.

“Which one is the CEO-in-line? Apparently Zen has beef with them,” you couldn’t help a bit of a grin as you held Saeran’s gaze.

He responded in seconds. “Jumin Han. CEO-in-line for C&R. Him and Zen fight often.”

A small laugh tumbled from your lips, clumsily intertwining with the slight breeze. “Yeah, I got that impression. Can’t miss that kind of animosity.”

Once again, it was quiet between the two of you. Unlike the first few times, it felt surprisingly natural. The plants and foliage distracted you just enough to keep you from feeling awkward or uncomfortable. You allowed the peace to stretch out and linger, finding respite in the brief escape from the chaos inside. Standing on the patio was the first semblance of tranquility that you had truly been able to feel since your arrival.

It was nice. The sky was a soft periwinkle blue, covered in cotton-white cumulus clouds that dotted its expanse above you. Though you couldn’t look up for too long, the sun’s rays shining directly down on you form between the clouds, the stretch of the sky made the world feel big and easy to breathe in.

A thought struck you.

“Oh, that’s right!”

You turned back to Saeran, meeting his eyes once more. He cocked his head a bit, a silent indication for you to continue.

“I forgot, they’re looking for you inside. I said that I’d come to get you.”

“Ah,” Saeran nodded, response noncommittal at first. “I suppose we should go inside, then?”

“Probably should,” you took another breath, tasting the clean air. “If they get too loud we can always just come back out.”

Not for the first time, there was a small tug at Saeran’s lips. There was something content in his eyes, still the same brilliant mint, and his cheeks became slightly rosy again, dusted so lightly that you could barely see it.

“Yeah. We can.”

You returned his smile. “Shall we, then?”

Saeran nodded in response. He made it to the door before you did and wordlessly pulled it open, stepping to the side to allow you to enter first. 

You voiced a small thanks as you walked back into the house, Saeran following soon after. You immediately noticed somebody new in the room. The short-haired woman looked over at you from behind her glasses, lips pressed into a thin line. Once she met your gaze, though, her apparent annoyance melted and she sent you a smile.

She said your name in greeting. “I’m glad to see you’re not visibly hurt. How are you?”

You returned her smile. The rest of the room had gone silent, watching your response. 

“I’m doing good. Thanks,” your voice sounded painfully awkward to you, like it didn’t quite belong in the room. You were beginning to feel like you were participating in the same conversation on a loop.

Maybe it was already time for you to return to the patio.

Yoosung saved you from further embarrassment by calling out to the man next to you. “Saeran! Are you okay?”

“He’s been worried about you,” Zen told Saeran, who perked up at being addressed.

“Oh, I’m fine,” Saeran responded.

As the conversations around you resumed, you allowed yourself to sigh in relief. Even though the RFA was undeniably kind and cared about you a lot, it was hard to let yourself relax. There was an enormous weight on your shoulders to behave a certain way- to keep up the reputation of a person you didn’t know or understand. It was a self-imposed responsibility, as the RFA’s impression that you’d just lost your memory gave you an excuse to act differently. Regardless, you felt that it was important to do your best to not destroy not-you’s life. Hopefully, they would do the same for you.

You needed to mess things up as little as possible.

The thought of the life that you’d lost tugged at something inside of you, and you instantly tried to divert your attention away from that topic. You remained in the middle of the room, standing awkwardly, your eyes wandering from person to person as you tried to think of a way to include yourself in the gathering. You needed to distract yourself, because thinking of your life would only upset you.

You had hoped that there was a way that you could have blended in, but that was proving to be more of a struggle than you’d anticipated. You were painfully aware that you didn’t belong, sticking out like a sore thumb. Your confidence had taken quite a hit since yesterday, and you were feeling those effects now.

Because of that, you were grateful when a new figure entered. This newcomer was tall and stoic, business-like in a way that left you feeling somewhat intimidated. Dark hair and eyes accentuated his serious demeanor. You immediately noticed Zen’s face souring at this person’s entrance, and that told you all that you needed to know.

Jumin Han. CEO-in-line for C&R. According to Saeran, at least. He certainly looked the part.

“He’s made it!” Saeyoung announced. “Our very own corporate shark!”

Jumin didn’t seem fazed at all, like Saeyoung’s dramatics were going in one ear and out the other. “It seems that I’ve arrived last,” he observed. “Odd. Driver Kim’s driving was impeccable as usual.”

Ruby-red eyes rolled in response. You heard a series of complaints being muttered, but you couldn’t quite decipher any words.

Greetings were exchanged, and you remained silent as usual, still standing like a lost child in the middle of a gathering of grown-ups. When Jumin took notice of you, eyes piercing directly into you, you couldn’t help feeling slightly unnerved. He radiated a confidence that you could only hope to achieve someday.

“It’s good to see you,” Jumin greeted, approaching you. “Though it seems you don’t remember any of us. Perhaps I should have brought with me another business card for you.”

You blanked. How were you supposed to respond to that?

“Oh, that’s fine. Don’t lose any sleep over it.”

“Dude, nobody needs that,” Zen scoffed, immediately replacing you as the focus of the conversation. “Seriously, do you have no situational awareness at all?”

You could see a slight downward twitch in Jumin’s eyebrows. “Do you propose that we should pretend like nothing has changed?” He challenged, redirecting his gaze toward Zen.

Saeran had been serious, you thought. They really didn’t get along.

“Guys seriously, don’t start already,” Yoosung sounded exasperated. “Do you have to fight all the time?”

At the same time, Jaehee sighed. “Perhaps we should just start the meeting,” she muttered.

“Yeah, let’s do that,” Saeyoung claimed one of the seats in the living room, gesturing for everyone to follow. “Come on, let’s not fight!”

It felt awkward for you to gather alongside everyone. You felt somewhat constricted when surrounded by strangers from all sides. You couldn’t shake the feeling that you were intruding. You supposed that, in a way, you were, but you tried to push those feelings away quickly. This was a hurdle, you told yourself. Pushing through the discomfort and getting to know some of these people would make things easier in the long run.

You would just have to get through this meeting, first. 

_Baby steps._

There was an open spot at the end of one of the couches, next to Jaehee. You took a seat, posture uncomfortably straight. The thought of leaning back and relaxing felt wrong. The meeting commenced almost instantly, and you were thankful for that.

“Our agenda today concerns two issues,” Jaehee instantly began from next to you, her voice immediately turning serious. “Besides our usual updates, we need to come to a consensus about what to do concerning party coordinating. Though we don’t have any parties planned for the future, it’s best to be prepared.”

“Is that why we’re meeting here?” Zen asked. “Usually we just talk about this stuff on the messenger. It’s hard to find the time for everyone to gather like this.”

_Great._ You’d inconvenienced everyone already.

“Yes,” Jaehee affirmed. “Because this is an urgent and rather complicated manner, we decided that meeting in person would be necessary. It’s best to discuss this matter after assessing the situation in person.”

“There’s not much to discuss,” Jumin, sitting in a chair adjacent to yours, spoke up. He looked over at you, pinning you in place. “If you have no knowledge of your job, you cannot do it.”

_Word._

Jumin wasn’t exactly wrong. But something about his tone made you feel incredibly uncomfortable. You found yourself feeling somewhat defensive in response, and you fought the urge to squirm under his gaze. Perhaps you should have chosen a different seat.

Though, you couldn’t deny that the thought of having the pressure of party coordinating removed from your abundance of responsibilities was enticing. It would be one less thing for you to worry about.

“That’s a little harsh, don’t you think?” Zen immediately frowned, jumping to your defense.

“Yeah, I mean, it’s not like this is anyone’s fault,” Yoosung chimed in.

Jumin seemed completely unperturbed by their disagreements. “Fault plays no part in this. The fact remains that nobody can perform a job that they don’t remember. The RFA will suffer, and we will all be left with more work.”

“You mean Jaehee will be left with more work,” Zen shot back. “Don’t act like you’re going to do anything to help.”

Yoosung sighed, and Jaehee was quick to redirect the conversation.

“I must agree with Mr. Han,” she met your eyes as she spoke. “I also believe it would be too much stress for you. Your focus should be on recovering.”

You were quick to jump in at that point. The building tension in the air was palpable, and the last thing you wanted was to be the center of another fight between Zen and Jumin. Having everyone speak on your behalf was already frustrating enough. 

“That’s fine. I’d rather not mess anything up anyways,” you looked over at Zen and Yoosung. “Thanks, though.”

And with that, you’d put an end to the discussion.

Your eyes drifted from Yoosung to Saeran. You noticed that his eyes were looking downward, unfocused as he twiddled with his thumbs. You frowned just the slightest bit, but Saeran didn’t notice you looking at him.

Was he upset? 

Yoosung seemed to notice your gaze and followed it, pressing his lips together when he realized what you were looking at.

You couldn’t help wondering what was going through their heads. Despite the relative informality of the RFA, it was obvious to you that there were quite a few sentiments not being expressed. 

But you were in a meeting. You could think about that later.

“Good!” Saeyoung clapped his hands together. “Then, we got that squared away. I think we all know what’s next, right?”

Nobody answered. The entire room went quiet and a thick tension filled the air, settling atop everybody’s shoulders. Even you could feel it, despite not knowing what was causing it. As everyone remained silent you felt your confusion compounding on itself. You looked from person to person, trying to read their expressions, but ultimately failed.

Clearly, you were missing something.

“Um…” Zen finally broke the silence, though he did so rather awkwardly. “Is it really a good idea to talk about this in front of..?”

Several pairs of eyes darted towards you for the umpteenth time that day, singling you out again.

Clearly, this must have been about something important. Important enough for you to be possibly left out just because you couldn’t remember what was going on. Though it would have been decent for you to excuse yourself, a festering curiosity inside of you desperately wanted to know what was going on.

Saeran shook his head and spoke up for the first time.

“No. We should all be involved in this,” he glanced over at you. “Especially us two.”

This time, you couldn’t stay quiet.

“What do you mean?” You asked, eyebrows narrowing slightly as you looked from person to person. “What am I missing?”

Almost everybody in the room seemed to grow even more uncomfortable. 

“Oh, it’s- It’s related to something I mentioned to you before,” Saeyoung’s explanation garnered your attention.

_Before?_ You tried to think back to the few conversations you’d had with Saeyoung. It wasn’t exactly like you’d shared too much with each other. 

You paused. For just a second, the words you’d exchanged the previous day flashed back through your mind.

_“You helped him through something pretty tough not that long ago.”_

You had remembered Saeyoung saying that when he’d asked you to talk to Saeran. Though that gave you minuscule insight into the current topic, you found yourself growing more confused.

Saeyoung had spoken like whatever you’d helped Saeran through had been in the past. Clearly, it was still a present issue.

_Is it not over?_

“Oh-” your eyes widened a bit and your gaze returned to Saeran. “He said that- I helped you with something?”

Saeran’s eyebrows drew together. It was obvious that you’d made him uncomfortable, as he seemed to be fighting to figure out what to say to you. Again, you’d spoken without thinking.

Saeyoung quickly jumped in.

“Ah- I’ll explain more later,” he told you, trying to hide his discomfort with a slightly awkward smile.

Not for the first time, you felt a little bit embarrassed. Maybe there would come a day when you could figure out when to stay quiet.

“Has anybody heard anything?” Jumin then asked, diverting the topic of conversation with surprising ease. “V has not contacted me yet.”

You noted the unfamiliar name but tried not to deliberate on it, instead opting to listen as if you hadn’t heard it. Yoosung reacted with surprising intensity, his hands clenching into fists. Everybody seemed to harden, like the name cast a spell over the room and turned the air to steel.

“No,” Saeyoung was the first to speak. “Nothing.”

Everyone around the room began to answer the question, going around in a circle until everyone had spoken. The consensus was the same for everyone- nobody had heard anything. Nobody knew anything. 

About what? You weren’t quite sure. Despite your confusion, you kept your mouth shut with the hope that Saeyoung would keep his promise and explain to you more thoroughly later. You knew that you’d been plucked out of thin air and dropped into this situation without your consent, but a part of you was burning with curiosity.

What exactly had you been dropped into? How could something this serious have happened to members of a charity organization?

What didn’t you know? What was this unspoken entity that held such power over everybody here?

And what was your involvement?

You looked over at Saeran as if you would be able to get answers from him. His eyes were hardened, eyebrows pressed into a frown. He was leaning forward slightly, surprisingly steely. You could tell that he was thinking, though you didn’t know what about. When you didn’t get anything from Saeran, your eyes darted from person to person.

Nobody returned your gaze. 

It was clear that you were stranded in the middle of a situation that was bigger and more serious than you’d expected. Whatever it was, you’d been deeply involved in some form or another, but you didn’t know how.

Somehow, you felt extremely alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy new year! To those of you guys that celebrate this as the new year, at least. :) May 2021 be less of a nightmare than 2020
> 
> I was super scared for whatever reason that this chapter was going to be a little bit bland because it was a lot of dialogue, and I'm clearly a description-heavy writer, so I hope it's okay. This chapter is the last of the "introduction," if you will, so things should start picking up soon :)
> 
> Thank you so so much for all of the Kudos/comments left on the last chapter!! I've been blown away by how much you guys seem to be enjoying this. I almost didn't post this story because I was afraid it would be boring haha. I love hearing from you guys so much, so please feel free to comment if there's anything at all on your mind :) I'll always respond and interact!!
> 
> I hope everyone's healthy and warm! Take care of yourselves!


	4. Marionette

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which answers only lead to more questions and you barely refrain from losing your temper

The RFA wasn’t around for too much longer. Though the meeting was wrapped up surprisingly, there seemed to be a feeling of dissatisfaction that lingered among the members. It wasn’t difficult for you to see that the mention of V, whoever he was, had dampened everyone’s spirits considerably. Even as an outsider, you could tell that the predicament that the RFA had found themselves in was bothering them considerably. For a little while following the meeting, it seemed like the life had been sucked out of the members. They were quiet, like they were all processing the situation in their own ways.

Luckily, the silence didn’t last too long. It was apparent that there were a few members who seemed to bring life back to the group, like they were programmed to lift everyone’s spirits. You weren’t particularly surprised when Saeyoung launched back into joking and trying to involve the members in more casual conversation. He seemed to feed off of the energy of the others and used nonsensical, goofy humor to distract everyone from their thoughts.

You could tell that, beneath it all, Saeyoung wanted everyone to feel more comfortable. It was endearing in its own way. Though Saeyoung had been a bit more mellowed out when the rest of the RFA wasn’t around, you found that you enjoyed his presence either way. It was nice to have somebody who made being around strangers feel less awkward.

You remained on the sidelines for the rest of the gathering, periodically becoming lost in your own thoughts. You were burnt out, far more than you’d initially expected to be. The serious conversations, repeated introductions, and answering of the same difficult questions left you feeling somewhat dry. Though the members of the RFA were all kind in their own ways, you were anticipating their departure so that you could retreat to your room and finally rest a little bit. Your body was begging you for some alone-time.

But you knew that before you could do so, you needed to talk to Saeyoung. He had told you that he would explain the situation to you a little bit more, and your curiosity outweighed your exhaustion. Apparently, not-you had played a big role in everything, so you felt it was crucial that you knew what was going on. You also couldn’t deny that the strong reactions you’d witnessed from the RFA members played a part in your intrigue. So you sat out the rest of the gathering, responding when spoken to and returning smiles, but remained mostly silent.

Once everyone finally did file out of the doors, the house instantly became much quieter. Even the air seemed to settle down, like it had been buzzing from the noise made by so many people. Peace fell over you like a gentle blanket on a winter night, wrapping around your shoulders with a comforting warmth. Your shoulders relaxed and a sigh escaped your lips. You were relieved that, for a little while, you could act a little bit more naturally.

You didn’t know Saeyoung and Saeran much better than the rest of the RFA, but you were already considerably more comfortable around them. Something about them having been with you since the very beginning allowed you to feel less on edge with them around.

“How do you feel?” Saeran asked you, standing a few feet away from where you were sitting on the couch. It was clear that he could tell that you were tired. There was always something about the way he was looking at you that made you briefly wonder if he could see right into your head.

You looked up at him and offered a smile. “Oh, I’m fine. Just a little bit tired.”

Saeyoung, who had closed the door behind Yoosung’s departure, returned to the living room, approaching the two of you. Having overheard your response, he jumped into the conversation with a smile. “They’re fun, right?”

Clearly, he was proud of the RFA. It was cute.

“Yeah, they are,” you responded. “They have a lot of energy, though. I’m not sure I can keep up just yet.”

Saeran finally decided to sit down in the chair adjacent to you, the same one Jumin had been sitting in earlier. He seemed a bit more at ease too, some of the tension in his shoulders having left. 

“That’s fine,” Saeran reassured you. “You don’t have to keep up. They don’t expect you to be the same, so don’t feel pressured.”

You nodded playing his words over in your head a few times.

_They don’t expect you to be the same._

It was that thought that brought you more comfort than anything. You felt a heavy responsibility on your shoulders to be able to emulate not-you as well as you could, to keep their life in order as much as possible. You could only assume that they were living your life too, and you hoped that if you did your best for them, they would do the best for you, too.

You nodded. Saeyoung took a seat on the couch, next to you. He had adopted the same, more serious demeanor as before. You could instantly tell what direction this conversation was headed in. 

As soon as Saeyoung’s eyes met yours, he started.

“So, there’s a couple of things we need to talk about,” he said. “I’m not exactly sure where to start, to be honest. There are a lot of details. It wouldn’t make sense even if I tried to tell you everything. Really, I think if I just dumped a bunch of information on you, it would only confuse you more.”

Saeyoung sounded like he was briefing you for some sort of mission. Still, you followed along.

Saeran was quick to agree. “I think it’s best to start simple,” he garnered your attention. “Do you remember V? Or Rika?”

_Rika?_ Like, the Rika whose fundraising association you were apparently a member of?

Your eyebrows narrowed for just a second, and you shook your head. “No. You mentioned V earlier, though. Who is he?”

Saeyoung and Saeran shared a look, and in that instant, they seemed to have an entire situation. It was Saeran who took charge, his eyes returning to you once more.

“V’s the one who helped us escape Mint Eye,” he told you. “It’s where we met.”

You cocked your head. It was like they were trying to confuse you more with every answer. “Mint Eye?” You repeated. “Where’s that? Why’d we have to escape?”

It was then that Saeran dropped a bombshell on you with such ease that it almost passed you by.

“Mint Eye… is a cult.”

You blanked, heart coming to a sudden stop. The world paused for a moment as you processed what you’d just heard, unable to believe that Saeran had just said what it sounded like he said. But you could tell by the way that he was looking at you, gauging your reaction, that you’d heard him correctly.

A cult? You’d been a member of a _cult?_

And you’d met your boyfriend there?

“I’m sorry, _what?_ ” You were unable to hide your disbelief, frown deepening. “We were members of a cult?”

Saeran shifted a little bit, but he seemed determined to answer your questions despite his discomfort. “It’s probably a bit better to say that I was a member. You weren’t there for long. You pretended to be a member, but you never truly believed any of it.”

The words you were hearing tumbled around the inside of your mind, and you found that the earlier exhaustion was quickly dissipating in the wake of the shock to your system. You were having a hard time wrapping your head around what you were hearing. There was a lump in your throat, strange and invasive, as you considered the possibility that you’d actually been a part of a cult.

It made you feel sick. Cults weren’t ever something you’d thought too much about, but you knew enough to understand that they were all dangerous. You couldn’t fathom why there would be any reason for not-you to have put themselves in such an unsafe position. 

As you looked at Saeran, meeting his gaze, you found it even harder to believe that he could be a member of a cult.

Saeran was so _gentle._ He was quiet, kind, and considerate, especially to you. It was hard for you to imagine the Saeran that had shown you plants and flowers being a part of something so dangerous and scary. 

You didn’t want to entertain why Saeran had ever thought that a cult was an answer to whatever problems he’d been facing. The thought of either of you having been there caused nausea to wrap itself around your stomach. 

You were beginning to feel slightly restless. Not for the first time, you genuinely began to wonder if this was a life that you could survive living. It was all far too surreal to completely process. What kind of a life had you fallen into?

Not-you must have been breathing easy in your world. 

You reached up to massage your temples, trying to ground yourself so that you could steer your thoughts back to the conversation. 

“I didn’t believe it?” You echoed. “So why was I there, then?”

Saeran pressed his lips together, averting his eyes. You caught a flash of something in his eyes as he wrung his hands together. He almost seemed guilty, like he was trying to figure out how to answer your question but wasn’t quite sure how. He remained quiet, and the silence following confirmed your initial suspicion that Saeran seemed to feel bad about something.

You almost regretted asking, because you’d clearly made him feel uncomfortable, but your need to know overrode your empathy. You looked to your other side at Saeyoung, meeting his gaze in a silent plea for clarification.

Saeyoung filled the silence.

“It’s… kind of hard to explain,” he seemed to be struggling to word his thoughts. “Like I said, there’s a lot of details and I don’t think overwhelming you is going to do you any good. But long story short, you were exploited by Mint Eye. You didn’t know you were getting involved with a cult.”

You couldn’t help shuddering at the thought. It all sounded so sinister. Accident or not, being affiliated with a cult would have taken a toll on anyone, especially if they had been tricked into it.

You had looked through your entire room and hadn’t been met with anything that would have implied not-you had been through such a traumatic experience. You had looked through the phone, photos, personal belongings, and none of it hinted at anything malicious.

Apparently, not-you had been largely unaffected by the cult- whatever Saeran had called it. You weren’t sure if you could mirror that nonchalance. The goosebumps prickling at your skin and your accelerated heartbeat were a testament to how disturbed you felt at that moment.

The room suddenly felt extremely cold. 

“I introduced you to the RFA under the guise that they were AI in a mobile game that I wanted you to test,” Saeran finally spoke up. His words brought you back to reality. “At the time, I was under the influence of Mint Eye and its leader. I thought that the RFA was evil and that bringing you to Mint Eye was protecting you.”

Saeran went quiet again. His eyes met yours, filled with a determined sincerity. You could tell that he was trying hard to convey something to you. Like he was worried that you would come to hate him if he didn’t get you to understand the situation.

“I wouldn’t have broken away if it weren’t for you,” Saeran’s voice was a bit quieter. “Even after you found out the truth, you still stuck with me. I was able to meet my brother and reclaim my freedom.”

You didn’t miss the emotion in his words. The gratitude. It was undeniable that Saeran held you in extremely high regard. But at the moment, you were unable to completely focus on that. Your mind was spinning as you processed the information being dumped on you; there was little room for anything else.

As you thought back, Saeyoung’s words from the day before began to make more sense.

_“You helped him through something pretty tough not that long ago.”_

That was the understatement of the year.

Saeran had mentioned that you’d only been a part of the RFA two months ago. He hadn't been out of the cult for that long at all. No wonder he had looked so crushed when he found out that you didn’t really remember who he was. If you had played such a big part in getting Saeran out of a cult, it was no surprise that he would have relied on you so much.

You didn’t know him, but you could tell that he cherished you.

Or, who he thought you were.

You had countless questions, but your head was spinning with the information you’d already gathered. You feared that there wasn’t much room left for any more bombshells.

So Saeran had thought that the RFA was evil and, for whatever reason, had brought you to initiate contact with them. 

_But why?_ What would a cult have against a charity fundraising group as small as the RFA? What in the world could have happened for the RFA to inspire such animosity from a cult?

If they were about to tell you that the RFA was a front for something illegal, you would have to tap out.

“But- so-” you puffed out a breath, trying to organize your thoughts. “Okay. But why did you have it out for the RFA? We just do charity work, right? What’s so bad about that?”

Saeran fiddled with the hem of his sleeve, twisting the fabric between his thumb and index finger. You could tell by the clenching of his jaw that the conversation was taking a toll on him.

“It wasn’t so much the RFA as it was the members,” Saeyoung jumped back in. “Mint Eye’s leader is the same person who founded the RFA. Rika. And V was her fiance. I don’t completely understand what happened between them, but Rika came to hate V. And she brainwashed Saeran into hating me.”

The addition of two new names felt like an immense amount of information to comprehend. You tried to fit the pieces together as well as you could as more details were rattled off.

_Christ._

“V helped us escape,” Saeran told you. He held your gaze, compassionate, like he was trying to guide you into understanding everything that you were being told. “He helped get us out of Mint Eye, but he stayed behind with Rika. We haven’t heard from either of them since.”

You nodded slowly, trying to internalize the narrative that you were putting together in your head. You were starting to understand why the meeting had inspired such a heavy, gloomy atmosphere. Why the members were so worried about hearing from V. Why the air had gotten so tense when he was mentioned.

The founder of this charity group had become a cult leader and turned Saeran against his brother. And you were brought in, for whatever reason, as some sort of link between Mint Eye and the RFA. That was how you had come to know the RFA and Saeran. You and Saeran had escaped with V’s help, but he had returned to Rika afterward. Now, their whereabouts were completely unknown.

You were coming to an upsetting conclusion.

You were in danger. All of the RFA was. You had helped to dismantle a cult, and that cult’s leader was in the wind.

You shuddered again, this time more noticeable than last time. Your mouth felt dry.

“Ugh,” you shifted in your seat, shaking your head like you were trying to ward off intrusive thoughts. “That’s- That’s a lot. I think I understand what you’re telling me so far, though.”

You were quiet for a second as you deliberated your next words. A single question was floating around in your mind, begging to be asked. You weren’t sure if you really wanted to know the answer, but you didn’t feel that you had much of a choice. As far as you could tell, you were stuck in the middle of a dangerous predicament, situated on the precipice of a cliff, ready to fall at any second.

If you were going to navigate this with any certainty, you needed to know exactly what to look out for. You couldn’t take any chances. Though you knew the answer to the question in your mind, it fell from your lips anyway.

“Are we in danger?”

The silence extended for a moment. Saeyoung sighed a bit from next to you, all of his earlier cheer gone. Saeran was just as somber, but he took the liberty to answer.

“We don’t know.”

You pressed your lips into a thin line. That didn’t help you much.

The lack of a clear answer was making you feel paranoid. Suddenly, the quiet air of the house didn’t feel quite as peaceful, like there was something threatening underlying everything around you. The relatively simple life that you seemed to have walked right into was anything but. 

No wonder everyone had been so concerned about your memory loss. You were already in danger as it was, but without knowledge of the situation, you were practically begging for something to happen to you. 

You were almost completely helpless. There was no hope that you would remember details of a life that weren’t yours. You would remain at a disadvantage for the entirety of your stay here.

You must have been oozing with insecurity because Saeyoung spoke up again soon after.

“Even we’re not sure what’s going on. Not completely, anyway. But try not to let it get to you too much. You’re not on your own. The entire RFA’s looking out for each other, and Saeran and I are here with you. It might not seem like it, but I’m very capable of keeping us safe.”

Saeyoung, despite the situation, was somehow still managing to grin at you.

Though he was clearly trying to comfort you, you didn’t feel much better. You were reeling from the details of the situation that you’d been unknowingly dropped into, and processing the implications of being an escaped cult member was straining your system slightly. Your headache had returned with a vengeance.

You were overwhelmed, and you were sure it was obvious. But they would never understand the true depth of your anxiety. They would never know that this went deeper than just memory loss.

This life wasn’t yours. These problems weren’t yours, and you didn’t want to shoulder them. You shouldn’t have had to deal with the consequences of choices and situations that you had never been involved with.

It felt selfish to think that, but you couldn’t help repeating the same phrase in your head, over and over again.

_I shouldn’t have to deal with this._

A hand was placed on the armrest next to you, and it broke you out of your reverie. You looked up at Saeran. He seemed somewhat conflicted, like he was trying to comfort you but didn’t know how.

“I’m sorry you have to be scared like this,” he paused for a second like he was trying to find the correct words. “But it’ll be okay.”

You could tell that Saeran felt bad. The guilt practically seeped out of him.

It felt strange to be on the receiving end of such genuine sentiments from a man that you didn’t know. Perhaps it should have been uncomfortable to listen to something so intimate, and to an extent it was, but you found yourself wanting to accept his sincerity. 

The promise of some safety was comforting.

You might not have known the specifics of what happened at Mint Eye. But if Saeran had been brainwashed, manipulated, and forced into a cult, then it made sense that he would have been so attached to the person that had helped him to escape and regain some autonomy. You weren’t that same person, but he didn’t know that. If Mint Eye was something that the two of you had navigated together once, then you felt that you could rely on the assumption that you could do it again. 

You might have been wandering into this blindly, but the rest of the RFA was not. Though it felt strange to put so much trust into strangers, their earlier amiability and sincerity told you that they cared about each other and the safety of their group. To them, you were a part of that group. You were someone that they cared about, and by extension, someone that they were willing to defend.

You couldn’t tell them that you weren’t the person they thought you were. Though it was uncomfortable to lean on strangers so much, you weren’t sure how much of a choice you really had. 

This was far more frightening than you had originally anticipated. But if you were going to be forced to deal with this situation, it would be best to do so with as much support as possible.

So you forced a bit of a smile. Though you felt unsure and anxious, you didn’t want to let yourself get completely consumed in front of these people. You would have to take this one step at a time. 

“Yeah. Thanks.”

* * *

Your room felt especially dark that night. Shadows seemed to be particularly potent around the perimeter of the floor, settling into every nook and cranny that they could reach. Despite having spent your entire day around other people, you found yourself still feeling lonely. You had been pelted with information all day, and the knowledge that your life was deeply intertwined with a bunch of strangers left you feeling overwhelmed. 

You were definitely out of your element. 

You’d thought that you had already come to terms with the fact that you were in a completely unknown world, but it seemed to be hitting harder as the sun fell again. You knew that you had been keeping yourself occupied so you didn’t have to think so hard- to truly understand the severity of what was happening to you, but it seemed like everything was catching with the rising of the moon. You were trapped inside of a world that was not yours. The knowledge that you had been stuck here for an entire day was crushing your motivation almost entirely. It made everything seem that much more serious, that much more real.

The earth had completed an entire rotation around its axis, and you were still here.

You were quiet as you sat in the desk chair, elbows propped up on the surface, head cradled in your hands. The world felt a little bit too dangerous for you to relax completely. The knowledge that there was a former cult leader and her lover on the loose had you feeling particularly paranoid. Why couldn’t this person have been as boring as you were back home? Maybe they could have joined a book club or two instead. 

You were starting to regret having never done anything more exciting. A vindictive part of you wished that you had left not-you with a bigger mess to deal with, too.

But you knew that you didn’t quite mean that.

With a sigh, you raised your head back up out of your hands, gazing around the room. The unfamiliar walls and shelves greeted you. Even the air smelled different in here, like it did when you entered a house that was not yours.

You were still in the same place. _Of course._

Your mind, though crammed full of information and anxieties, somehow felt blank at the same time. You knew that you had a long night ahead of you. There was no way that you would be able to find any respite after learning what you had about Mint Eye.

A sigh fell from your lips. You hadn’t even been here for two days and you were ready for your journey to come to an end.

Just as you were about to drop your head back into your hands again, your phone vibrated next to you. The screen lit itself up.

**new chatroom** [late night sentiments]

You stared at the notification for a second. You were so used to ignoring the chatrooms that your gut instinct was to go right back to wallowing in your feelings. But tonight, something felt a little bit different.

_Fuck it._

You tapped on the notification. The RFA Messenger app loaded up and instantly sent you into a chatroom. The background was a dark blue sky speckled with small, white stars. 

_Cute._

You joined the chatroom

**ZEN:**

Oh! 

**ZEN:**

Hey! :) I didn’t expect to see you here

**ZEN:**

Can’t you sleep? It’s pretty late

You found that you were considerably less nervous than you had been the last time that you joined a chatroom. The idea of having somebody to idly chat with sounded nice. You needed a distraction from your dangerously intrusive thoughts. Your chest was feeling heavy, and you dreaded having to sit with that for the rest of the night.

**You:**

Hey. And not really lol

**You:**

What about you?

**ZEN:**

I’m usually a night-owl, so being

up this late isn’t unusual for me

**ZEN:**

Did you take everything okay today?

**ZEN:**

I’m sure it was overwhelming.

Your lips quirked upwards a little bit. Zen seemed to be a fairly intuitive person- the type that could make conversation with just about anyone. You found yourself feeling glad that you’d entered a chatroom with him rather than with Jumin.

**You:**

It was a lot, but I’m fine. I’d

rather know what’s going on

**ZEN:**

Sure, I understand

**ZEN:**

But if you need someone to talk

to, I’m always here!

**ZEN:**

If you feel too gloomy, I can 

always just send a selfie to 

brighten up your mood ;)

With that, a photo of Zen suddenly appeared. He was staring into the camera, posed at a perfect ¾ angle, skin bright and dewy, lips curled into a smile. You snorted as you tapped the picture, which enlarged it. He was handsome, yes, but your amusement lay more in the fact that he’d thought to send it at all.

It was strangely endearing.

Though your gut instinct was to tease Zen, you decided that it would be best to do so when he wasn’t quite as much of a stranger. 

**You:**

Great. Thanks

**You:**

The world’s spinning just a

little bit faster thanks to you.

It felt rather natural to fall into conversation with Zen. There were few pretenses, it seemed, and he was able to chat with you casually despite his awareness that you didn’t truly know who he was. He was friendly, divulging parts of his life to you with relative ease, and it felt nice to learn something more about one of the members of the RFA. It made him seem less like the friend of your doppelganger and more like somebody who you knew a little bit.

Apparently, Zen was a fairly accomplished actor who loved musicals, himself, and beer. You listened to his ramblings patiently, taking comfort in the presence of another person, even if it was just through the phone. It made you feel slightly less alone, and the darkness in your room felt a little bit less heavy. You didn’t need to talk about anything on your mind, it seemed, because focusing on something else was distraction enough.

The conversation slowly began to wind back down. Zen had been doing most of the talking, and you could tell that he was getting tired when his responses began to sound a bit less energetic.

**ZEN:**

I should probably get going! I 

have rehearsal early tomorrow

morning 

**ZEN:**

And you should get some sleep too!

**ZEN:**

Your skin will suffer if you don’t

**You:**

In that case, I’ll head to bed

too

**You:**

Good night, Zen. Thanks for

chatting with me

**ZEN:**

Sure! Talk to you later

**ZEN:**

Sweet dreams~!

ZEN has left the chatroom

You closed the app down too, sitting back in your chair. 

The room came back into focus.

After spending some time talking to Zen and removing yourself from the situation for a while, you felt a little bit more at peace.

There was something brotherly about Zen. Though he enjoyed talking about himself quite a bit, you could tell that he cared deeply for the rest of the RFA, including you, and it was that sincerity that allowed you to feel at ease as you talked to him. 

For a second, you found yourself thinking that if you were able to connect with some of the people around you to a certain extent, you may not hate your time here. Even if the RFA was speaking to you with the assumption that you were someone entirely different, the friendship and camaraderie would allow you to at least feel a little bit less lonely as you traversed your situation. Your room wasn’t any darker and the circumstances of your being here didn’t feel any less hopeless, but you felt a little bit more positive.

Maybe you would have to join some of the chatrooms more often, you thought. After meeting the RFA in person and having to contend with having difficult, uncomfortable conversations with them face-to-face, you could probably handle messaging them just fine.

You lifted up your phone, and the screen illuminated some of the darkness around you. The clock read _00:27_. A strange time, between late night and early morning. You could feel yourself beginning to wind down and figured it would probably be a good idea to get some sleep. The idea of spending another day feeling borderline sick all day was far from appealing.

You sighed and got up from the desk chair, lifting your arms above your head and stretching. You let your arms fall down to your sides with a sigh. Drowsiness was slowly starting to seep into your bones. You allowed yourself to take respite in the bed, though it still didn’t feel quite right to be laying in sheets that weren’t yours. Just as you began to settle down, though, your phone vibrated in your hand again.

You turned the screen back on languidly, expecting to see another notification from the RFA messenger. Instead of a new chatroom, though, the banner displayed a regular text message through the messaging app on your phone.

**XX-XXXX-XX10:**

_I haven’t heard from you in a while! Is everything going okay?_

You sighed again as you eyed the message, trying to decide whether or not to respond. The idea of engaging in more uncomfortable conversations wasn’t particularly exciting, and you were halfway to just silencing the phone and rolling over. 

But another message arrived before you could.

**XX-XXXX-XX10:**

_Oh! Don’t tell me- it’s happened already, has it? ^^_

That message caught your attention. You lifted your head and sat up fully, a frown pressing into your brows, and read the message over a few times more, trying to discern if you were really reading what you thought you were.

Was this a joke? Some weird coincidence?

The phone buzzed again, and you braced yourself.

**XX-XXXX-XX10:**

_Ah, what a shame... I thought that we would have had a bit_

_more time._

You could feel your pulse reverberating in your head as your head went hot. 

This definitely wasn’t a joke. You finally tapped on the notification, which expanded into the text messaging app, and your thumbs trembled as you typed out a message, not taking a second to think about what you were saying.

You were angry. Fuming. You could barely think straight.

You had been sitting here, trying to connect with people you didn’t know, living the life of somebody who wasn’t you. And this person had the gall to speak to you in riddles? To play with you, like this was funny?

**You:**

_Is this some kind of fucking joke? Who are you?_

**XX-XXXX-XX10:**

_I seem to have upset you. Though, I suppose I would feel_

_sensitive if I were in your position, as well._

**XX-XXXX-XX10:**

_Try not to take it so personally. We figured this was_

_inevitable._

You bristled as you read the messages that flooded your phone. You could feel your face growing hot with frustration. It was clear that this person was looking down on you, their words so condescending that you could feel it through your screen. You grit your teeth so hard that your jaw began to ache.

Without taking a moment to think, you tapped the _call_ button.

Like _hell_ you were going to let this person walk all over you. If they knew what was going on, you needed to talk to them. You refused to put up with this person playing games with you like this.

You raised the phone up to your ear, nearly trembling with anticipation. The dial tone didn’t have the opportunity to ring once before the call was declined. A curse fell from your mouth as you lowered the phone again.

“Damn it-!”

Another message arrived.

**XX-XXXX-XX10:**

_That was bold. I didn’t expect that :)_

**XX-XXXX-XX10:**

_Unfortunately, I don’t have the time to properly speak_

_with you right now._

**XX-XXXX-XX10:**

_I’m sure I don’t need to tell you how bad of an idea it_

_would be to clue anyone else in on your situation,_

_right? It wouldn’t look good for you, either_

**You:**

_Excuse me? How dare you threaten me?_

**You:**

_Who are you and why am I here?_

**XX-XXXX-XX10:**

_Hopefully I can tell you with time. Just know_

_that I’m not the bad guy, even if it might seem_

_that way to you now._

You scoffed. It took considerable effort for you to reign yourself in and remain rational enough to respond with some sort of finesse.

You were at a disadvantage. Angry or not, you couldn’t force anything out of this person through text.

**You:**

_You don’t exactly seem like a good guy, either_

**XX-XXXX-XX10:**

_I understand._

**XX-XXXX-XX10:**

_But I’m not the one you have to worry about right now._

**XX-XXXX-XX10:**

_I would suggest taking a closer look at the people_

_around you. And those who are keeping themselves_

_out of sight._

**XX-XXXX-XX10:**

_Just because those two aren’t present doesn’t mean_

_they’re not a threat anymore._

You cocked an eyebrow at the last messages. You were biting down on your lip in an attempt to rid yourself of some of the extra frustration coursing through your veins. You could feel your head spinning as you read the words a few times more, struggling to process them in your angered state.

As you typed out another message with quivering fingers and hit the ‘send’ button, your phone notified you that you were no longer able to send messages to this person. You stilled for a second as you stared at the screen.

Had this person really just _blocked_ you?

You couldn’t stifle a curse. “Imagine having the _audacity_ ,” you hissed, gripping your phone a little bit tighter. “Cheeky bastard. Real fucking cute.”

Your words, though quiet, felt infinitely loud in the empty darkness of your room. You read back through the thread of messages, scanning them again and again as if to make sure you hadn’t missed anything. But no matter how much you looked, you couldn’t find anything new. 

Despite your frustration at the person on the other side of the screen, though, it was impossible to ignore the implications of their messages. They were giving you clues, and annoying though they were, it was something to work with.

According to this person, they weren’t the bad guy. The cherry-picking of their words led you to distrust that statement, however. They seemed to know quite a bit about your predicament, but also distanced themselves from the situation by passing the blame off to somebody around you. Like they knew what was going on, but refused to give you the details you needed to catch up.

They seemed to have known not-you well enough, the initial message suggesting some sort of worry about having not heard from them in quite some time. You weren’t sure what to think about that. You hadn’t found any evidence that your doppelganger was having any trouble with anyone, and the number hadn’t been saved. Something wasn’t adding up. This person’s intentions remained extremely unclear.

Last, and most concerning, this person had tried to intimidate you by insinuating that someone close to you was lying. They had blatantly told you that an attempt to tell anyone of your predicament would end unfavorably, and they rubbed salt in the wound by adding that nobody would have believed you anyway. They had threatened you despite knowing that you weren’t planning on telling anybody about what was going on.

It was a power play. They knew that they had an advantage, and they wanted to hold it over your head.

All of that was frustrating, yes, but there was one part about what they’d said that truly got under your skin.

Was somebody here really lying to you? If so, who? And what would they be lying about?

You thought through the people you’d met so far- the RFA. You couldn’t pick out a single person that had seemed strange or worthy of suspicion. What reason would they have to lie to you, anyway? The mystery person also mentioned ‘those out of sight,’ whom you assumed to be Rika and V.

They were trying to make you suspect those around you. They were trying to make you feel unsure. And it was working.

You didn’t know these people at all. They were kind, but looks could be deceiving. You wanted to be able to trust them, but given your situation, letting your guard down would be dangerous.

You grit your teeth as you deliberated.

This person had been right. You couldn’t tell anyone. Your chatting partner was directly involved with you and your situation, and if you clued any of the RFA in on what was truly going on with you, there was no doubt in your mind that they would not believe you. They already believed you to be ill. You had barely avoided a hospital visit.

This nameless stranger was backing you into a corner. They knew about everything- you, the person you’d replaced, and those directly around you.

As much as this person pissed you off, you were also painfully aware that they seemed to be at the center of everything. They were the only person around you who knew the details of your predicament, and they likely had more answers than anyone else. You didn’t trust this person’s claim that they weren’t a bad person, but their position meant that there was little that you could do at the moment.

Something was very wrong. This was turning from some freak accident into a malicious ploy enacted directly against you.

The only person who had any answers was watching you dance in their palms like a marionette doll in a play.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter had a lot of texts! It won't always be like that. I don't like to add in too much messaging because I worry that it disrupts the flow. So I hope that this was okay.
> 
> Anyways! More clues are emerging. Less and less is making sense. The Reader's learned about Mint Eye, V, and Rika, but they seem to be the least of their problems lol
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone who left Kudos/commented on the last chapter! I appreciate the feedback so much- and hearing your theories and what you think is going on really helps me out. it helps me to understand how the clues are being perceived and what you're getting from the writing. If anyone has anything to say at any time, please feel free to comment! I love engaging with you guys and hearing your insights. :)
> 
> Thank you all so much for reading! I hope you're enjoying.
> 
> School starts back up for me this monday (the 11th) so updates from here on will be spread out more, unfortunately. :( Please bear with me! Hopefully I'll get some sort of a schedule figured out soon.
> 
> Take care!


	5. Pivot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which you talk under the moonlight and are given a not-so-gentle reminder of the reality of your situation.

As time began to pass you by, you felt yourself starting to grow somewhat accustomed to your new life. This fact was a bit dismaying on its own, as you had never planned on staying here for long enough to grow used to the changed circumstances. But what could you do? If you were going to be stuck here, you may as well find ways to make it more bearable. Everything still felt foreign and surreal, but you tried to find respite through what small familiarities you were able to spot. It was the things that remained the same between the two worlds that brought you regular comforts.

You found solace in things like the rising and falling of the sun, the taste of coffee, and music that you enjoyed listening to. By integrating little pieces of your former life into this one, you felt like you hadn’t lost everything. There were parts of yourself that you could cling to when you weren’t pretending to be somebody else. You felt like you weren’t in completely unfamiliar territory, and that made your passage from day to day feel a little bit less intimidating.

Of course, you also tried to continuously interact with Saeran, Saeyoung, and the RFA. You found yourself making an active effort to participate in chatrooms when you could, talking with the members and trying to get to know them. You felt that if you had a few friends who you could feel somewhat comfortable with, this world may feel a little bit less lonely and frightening. You tried to find points of conversation and similarities between you and each individual member, just to feel a little bit more connected with them.

It was easier than you’d expected. As it turned out, taking to the RFA wasn’t quite as nerve-wracking as you’d made it out to be in your head. 

Jumin was intimidating, but he had an appreciation for nature and animals. He often spoke about his company, C&R, and about how he hoped that they could become more environmentally friendly. You admired his dedication towards his work and bettering his company’s image by impacting the world in a positive way. Those points of agreement made him feel less like an imposing CEO-in-line and more like an actual person. The gushing about Elizabeth and the sending of blurry photos helped, too.

But-  _ Elizabeth III? _ Two hadn’t been enough?

Jaehee was overworked, but still tried to find time for the little things that brought her peace- a struggle you could relate to more than ever. She supported Zen with all of her heart, sincerely cheering him on, becoming endearingly energetic when he was mentioned. When she did become a little more animated you found yourself indulging her, spurring her on when she gushed about Zen. It was nice to watch her loosen up and express interest in what made her happy.

Zen was an actor and occasional model who had great pride in himself and his work. He was very dedicated to looking out for those around him, especially Yoosung. He made active efforts to get to know you, and you found yourself comforted by that. It was as if he saw you as a different person to a degree, which made interacting with him easier. Unlike some of the others, Zen didn’t talk to you with the expectation that you would leap back into being not-you. Or if he did, he didn’t make it obvious- and that was good enough for you.

Yoosung was kind and friendly, and though he struggled with school and adult responsibilities, he was admiringly passionate about the things he did care for. He had a strong sense of right and wrong and led his life by those standards. As a result, Yoosung often defended those around him when something seemed unfair.. When he felt anyone was being too hard on you, he stuck up for you immediately. It was endearing to watch him stand up for you, though it was clear that the others didn’t seem to take him too seriously when he tried to be serious.

They were all kind people. You didn’t doubt them or their intentions for a second. At some point, you’d found yourself thinking that if you could get to know them better, you would feel a little bit less alone. There was a constant, lingering pressure for you to turn back into the person that they knew, and you hoped that there would come a time where they could accept that that wouldn’t happen. Until then, it would be difficult to loosen up around them too much.

You knew that they weren’t likely to give up, but it was nice to dream. It would have been a bit easier to act if you weren’t being watched so closely, and you lamented the fact that the range of what you could do was very limited. It was like they were all worried you would wander off again.

Frustrating though it was, you didn’t say anything. They had a right to be worried.

Interacting with Saeran and Saeyoung was a little bit different, mostly because you actually lived with them. You slowly became a bit more accustomed to seeing them on a basis. Though you had never been a particularly shy person, living with two strangers under such strange circumstances had made you a bit more reserved than usual. But as time went by, you found yourself integrating a bit more of your regular personality into the way you behaved around them. As a result, you felt slightly closer to them than you did to the rest of the RFA. 

Saeyoung was fun. He joked often and had a tendency to play around, but he also seemed to know when it was necessary to be serious. You could tell that he cared for his brother deeply, and that he cared for you as well. He seemed to strive to make sure that you felt included and comfortable, though his efforts often just ended up putting you in the spotlight more than you would have liked. Saeyoung was frighteningly good with technology, you found out. You often saw him tinkering with some sort of machinery, either fixing something or putting things together. You learned that he worked with an underground secret agency of some sort, and though you could tell that he was unhappy with his job, he persisted with it anyways. When you asked why, Saeyoung had told you that it was a long story, and not to worry about it.

Of course, you instantly saw through that excuse. Being a liar yourself had made you slightly more perceptible to the fibs of others. 

You wondered how many more secrets were floating in the air, but you didn’t care to ask. Your head was already reeling from the issues you were already facing. Any more and you may just spontaneously combust. 

And then there was Saeran. 

Your relationship with him was by far the most complicated. Not only was he the boyfriend of your doppelganger, but he was also the person that they had escaped a cult with. Your parallel’s history with him was, apparently, complicated and intense. It was likely as a result of that shared trauma that he clearly cared for you very deeply. Saeran went out of his way to try to make your life easier, ensuring that you understood the world around you as much as possible. He tried to explain things, answer your questions, and make sure that you weren’t feeling lonely or upset. Though it was stifling, you didn’t have it in you to say anything. You could tell that he was pained by the way he looked at you, mint eyes appearing somewhat forlorn when he thought you hadn’t noticed his gaze yet.

This whole thing was cruel enough. If trying to help you made him feel better, you could accept that.

Despite that, Saeran acted as kind and cheerful around you as he could. You could tell that he was trying to ensure that you were comfortable with him, and you tried to be. It was difficult to interact with him considering the strange undertones of your relationship, but you still made an active effort. You chatted with him occasionally, asked him about his plants, and tried to be as friendly as you could.

You knew that you couldn’t ever be the person he thought you had once been, but trying to prove that wouldn’t do anyone any good. Besides, you genuinely liked Saeran. Seeing him hurting didn’t make you feel great.

Of course, you knew that there was no solving this. You would never be able to magically be not-you. And you knew that there was no way that you could fully be yourself, either. This was all just a temporary solution, but you would have to persist for now. You weren’t in a position to demand any more than you already had. 

Besides, this wasn’t the last of your worries.

Your doppelganger had been a part of a cult. Mint Eye. And they had escaped together with Saeran only two months ago. And the leader of the cult, Rika, was also the co-founder of the RFA. She and V were in the wind, disappeared, out of sight, and you were in danger. You had directly gone against the cult, and you doubted that Rika had been too happy about that.

You knew next to nothing about this cult. You hadn’t had the opportunity to ask much, and you wouldn’t have launched an interrogation even if the opportunity presented itself. You weren’t sure if you were ready to receive any more bombshells. Your head was on the verge of splitting as it was.

And the very same amalgamation of thoughts that threatened to drive you insane was keeping you up tonight, too.

You had gotten tired of your ceiling long ago. The plain white had never been particularly interesting, and it definitely wasn’t tonight, either. The ambient noises in the room had faded away in the background, leaving you lying in an unbearable silence. Though you knew that using any of not-you’s things was incredibly invasive, you had given up on some of the niceties to allow yourself to make it from day-to-day. You rationalized that choice to yourself, ignoring how gross it felt to scroll through their social media in the middle of the night. You found an abundance of animal pages and food pages littering their feed, along with posts from celebrities, including Chef RamG. The name sounded annoyingly familiar, as were many others. Everything in this universe was close to being the same, but it always felt short. 

_ This is all weird. _

You scrolled down a little bit farther, passing by photos of aesthetically pleasing dishes and filtered, though cute animal pictures. It seemed that not-you had an affinity for all things nature, too, if these gardening pages were anything to go by. You could see how someone like this could get along with Saeran so well. They shared an appreciation for the world's flora and its beauty, and the patio’s garden only corroborated that theory. You were about to pass by another photo before you stopped, eyebrows narrowing at it.

Was that… udon? With a face drawn on the bowl? Though you had to admit that the udon itself looked appetizing, the smirk on the bowl was extremely off-putting somehow. Your eyes flickered to the caption.

_ “Stir-fried udon~! *Ranked #1 in world noodle selling!* slurp~!” _

You shut the phone off. That would be it for the night.

Without the company of social media, you were once again made aware of the silence in the house. Though you were used to riding out the nights by yourself, too hesitant to leave your room for fear of imposing, you decided that enough was enough. You had been here for five days, and would have to assimilate eventually.

Besides, nobody else would be awake. It was two in the morning. If they were awake, they’d be in their rooms, like you probably should be.

But you couldn’t take the silent waiting anymore.

With that thought, you rose from your bed. You grabbed one of the blankets and wrapped it around your shoulders to fend off the slight chill in the night air, and finally made your way out of the room, phone in hand. The hallway always felt different when it was dark out, you thought as you closed your door behind you. It seemed smaller, more compact.

You neared the main room of the house. Moonlight was bathing the floors through expansive windows, and you were able to see relatively well as a result. You made your way over towards one of the windows, taking hold of a loveseat and turning it so that you could sit and stare outside. You lowered yourself into the seat and leaned back with a sigh. Sitting here was surprisingly comfortable, especially with the blanket around you. The change of scenery eased your mind a bit.

You liked these windows, you decided. They were a nice escape, if only a temporary one. It was nice to observe leaves in the trees waving back and forth as the occasional breeze blew through. The grass danced, synced up with the leaves, and it was strangely therapeutic to watch. For just a little while, the worries plaguing your mind began to ease up.

You were beginning to settle down a little bit as a few minutes went by, your eyelids finally starting to feel heavy. Though you knew that dozing off here wasn’t the best idea, your approaching exhaustion whispered that it would be okay if you just spent the night here. Just as you began to seriously entertain the prospect, though, you heard a noise that jerked you back awake once again, startling you so bad that your heart leaped into your throat. You could feel your pulse speed up a bit too quickly, and you held your breath, eyes fixed onto the patio door. 

The door opened and in walked Saeran, still in the same clothes as earlier. He turned towards you and instantly jerked to a stop, shoulders tensing and eyes going wide. As soon as he recognized you, though, his posture relaxed and he sighed.

Apparently you’d scared him as bad as he’d scared you.

“Sorry,” you forced a smile. “But for what it’s worth, you scared me first.”

Saeran smiled at you as he walked forward into the moonlight. “I’m sorry,” he apologized. “But it’s late, isn’t it? Can’t you sleep?”

His silver hair seemed to shimmer in the glow of the stars. There was something about him that seemed almost whimsical. The mint of his eyes and the strange color of his hair made Saeran stand out, and you found that it was hard to look away from him like this.

You shook your head, pulling your blanket around your shoulders a little bit tighter. “Nope. I mean, I haven’t slept much the past few nights. This is just the first time I’ve found it in me to leave the room at night.”

Saeran nodded at you and paused for a second.

“It’s… a bit dark, isn’t it?” He asked you. “Don’t you want to turn on a light?”

“Nah,” you settled back into the seat, finally relaxed enough that you didn’t feel the need to sit ramrod straight. “I don’t mind, to be honest. If I turned on the light, I wouldn’t have been able to see outside. But if you want it on, that’s fine with me.”

Saeran shook his head and looked outside, taking in the scenery the same way that you had been just a few minutes before. You watched his eyes dart back and forth, taking in this and that, and you wondered what, specifically, he was looking at. 

Sometimes, you got the feeling that there was something quietly profound about Saeran’s world. That the thoughts he had were complex and multi-faceted, stuffed full of dreams and feelings that you might never understand. It was hard to pinpoint the origin of your speculations, so you didn’t try to. 

You found yourself wanting to get to know Saeran a little bit better, so you indulged in that urge. You couldn’t help feeling curious about the world that he kept to himself.

“You can sit if you want. There’s plenty of room,” you scooted towards one end of the loveseat and donned a grin. If you’re okay with sitting that close to me, I mean.”

The last sentence was a quip, added on carelessly as an attempt to ease the pressure in case Saeran wanted to say no. You had a habit of turning things into jokes, of making light of things, and that part of you was rearing its head tonight. Apparently, Saeran had taken your words very seriously. His eyes flickered back towards you, eyebrows raised as if he was appalled by your suggestion.

You didn’t have time to tell him that you were only joking.

“Of course I don’t mind,” he glanced at the spot next to you for a second, then back at you. “Are you fine with it?”

Saeran was far more concerned for your comfort than he was for his own. Had you really given him the impression that you were that standoffish?

“Go for it,” you urged. “You don’t have to ask. We’re cool.”

Saeran nodded and took a seat next to you, sinking into the cushions. A silence befell the two of you as he looked back outside, joining in your contemplation. You shared a few moments of relatively comfortable quiet together, side-by-side. 

You felt glad that you could do something like this with Saeran. You could enjoy quiet moments without much pressure, coexist peacefully, and find some sort of camaraderie in each others’ presence. Nobody needed to talk, and that was perfectly fine with you. It took a significant amount of pressure off of your shoulders.

Though you had initially just felt bad for Saeran, you had grown to like him as a person rather quickly after meeting him. Of course, the last five days had endeared you to Saeyoung as well, but he had a tendency to be a bit too energetic. You liked that you could sit with Saeran without having to worry about keeping up images or matching energies with someone who preferred to banter when things got too quiet. You felt less burdened this way.

Did Saeran share that sentiment?

Eventually, you looked back over at the man in question. You couldn’t help noticing his clothes- the same white button-up shirt tucked into a pair of dark pants as he’d been wearing earlier. You couldn’t help wondering if he’d even tried to retire for the night. Was he always awake by himself at this time, just like you?

“Would I be wrong if I guessed that you haven’t slept yet, either?” You asked.

Saeran looked back over at you, mint eyes meeting yours. They seemed particularly bright in the moonlight.

“No, you’d be right,” he said. “I haven’t slept yet, either.”

_ To pry or not to pry _ \- that always seemed to be the question. It was hard to tell whether your curiosity bordered on invasive. You were infinitely intrigued by Saeran. He was an anomaly that you wanted to get to know, and though you were presented with ample opportunities, you always hesitated a bit.

You didn’t want to lead him on. 

But was getting to know him really leading him on? Didn’t you deserve to make some friends here, too? Your doppelganger was surely doing the same thing back in your home, familiarizing themselves with your world and making it more bearable.

You had the right to do this. It was hard to respect the privacy of someone when you’d essentially taken over their entire life. 

You brought your legs up onto the couch, settling into the cushions a little bit more. “Wanna talk about it?” 

Saeran’s lingered on yours, regarding you for a second. You couldn’t quite tell what he was thinking, and you weren’t given much time to figure it out before his eyes returned to the window. He inhaled for a second, held his breath, and then released it in a deep sigh. 

Not a good sign. You tried again.

“It’s not good to keep things bottled up, you know?” You kept your voice relatively quiet, but you garnered Saeran’s attention all the same. “I get that I’m not exactly the person that you know me as, but you can confide in me if you want. I’m not here to judge.”

“What about you?” Was his response, surprisingly direct. “You don’t talk, either. Will you open up to me?”

You quirked an eyebrow. The sneaky bastard had really just turned this around on you.

Though, not without good reason. He wasn't exactly wrong.

It’d been pretty obvious that there were things that you were keeping a secret. And you supposed it would make sense for Saeran to be worried. He was under the impression that you were the person he loved, after all. 

But you hadn’t expected him to care enough to break the usual, gentle way of treating you.

There wasn’t exactly much that you could say, though. You could give up a few snippets. You could provide him with brief, controlled glances into the complexities of your current predicament, but not much more than that. You couldn’t give him even half of the situation, nor could you delve into the bitter thoughts that kept you up at night. It just wasn’t possible. If you could have, you would have a long time ago.

But you knew that it would be nice to get a few things off of your chest. Freeing some space in your head might be good for you. As long as you were careful about what information you released, there shouldn’t be any problem.

“You’ve got me there, I guess,” you conceded. “Sure. I’ll talk if you do.”

And with that, you had an in.

“Okay,” he seemed to relax once again, as if your agreeing had brought him some peace. Then, he spoke again. “I’ve been… thinking about you. And about Mint Eye.”

Suddenly, the air felt colder.

You supposed you should have seen that one coming. For Saeran, this was all still a fresh wound. He had only escaped two months ago, after all. The person who had helped him through it had been replaced by a shoddy imitator, unbeknownst to him. You could imagine that his head wasn’t a great place to be at the moment.

You nodded but didn’t say anything, trying to spur him on without saying anything.

“It hasn’t been long since we escaped,” Saeran began again. “A lot of bad things happened there. Sometimes, it doesn’t leave my mind. It’s hard to remember those times, so I’ve been trying to find comfort in the plants and being here. But it’s harder when the sun’s down.”

Saeran met your eyes again.

“You don’t remember, but I used to spend a lot of nights awake, working so much that I only slept a few hours. I’ve spent a lot of time in the dark, so I prefer the daytime. And there’s a lot to worry about these days, so sleeping is a bit tough.”

Saeran stopped there, and you figured that it was probably okay for you to butt in. 

“I see,” was your response. “I can imagine that it would be hard to find ways to comfort yourself when you’re used to working yourself to death. I can’t speak much about your experiences, but I could tell that you’ve been going through it. Though, I guess that’s not surprising, considering the circumstances.”

You felt bad. You didn’t want to say it, but you couldn’t ignore the guilt in the pit of your stomach. 

Saeran seemed exhausted. You wondered what else he had been neglecting to tell everyone lately. There was this intrinsic desire within you to help him somehow. You wanted him to be able to feel as if he could talk to you, because you feared for his health were he to keep everything inside forever. You knew that there wasn’t much that you could do besides just listen to him, but that seemed like a good enough place to start.

It was a hell of a lot better than nothing.

“I’ll tell you what,” you began. “Now that I know that this place doesn’t bite after dark, I’ll start coming out here when I can’t sleep. If you need company, just check out here. I might be around.”

Saeran immediately shook his head. “I can’t ask you to do that. It’s more important that you sleep regularly. Your body needs it- especially now.”

“Again, I’ll only do it if I can’t sleep. It helps me to look at the moon, anyways. Staying in the same room for hours drives me crazy.” You smiled. “This isn’t the most selfless offer in the world. I get something out of it, too.”

Saeran eyed you for a second, not saying a word. Though he was silent, you could tell that there was quite a bit going on inside of his head. He seemed preoccupied, like he was deliberating something, and the longer it went on, the more you got the feeling that he wasn’t thinking about your earlier offer anymore.

It took a few seconds for him to open his mouth and speak.

“You’re… different.”

Your smile fell, your heart launching into a quicker series of thrums. The air in the room began to settle again, growing a bit heavier.

Just like earlier, Saeran’s gentle treatment of you seemed to wane just enough for him to speak to you more directly. You felt intensely pressured beneath his gaze, which seemed to be searching you for something. You couldn’t help feeling as if Saeran could have looked straight into your head if he tried hard enough. It was disorienting. 

He finally continued.

“You’re still just as kind as always, but you’re different,” Saeran almost sounded like he was musing aloud. “There’s something about it that I just can’t place.”

This wasn’t good.

You tried to hold yourself back from rushing in to rationalize everything. If you were too hasty, you would all but exacerbate his worries. You steeled yourself for a few seconds, trying to gather yourself and restrain your nerves.

“I’m still me,” you eventually said, cherry-picking your words in an attempt to avoid lying. “I’m still the same person that I’ve always been.”

Saeran shifted and his hand moved ever so slightly, like he was going to move it, but he stopped himself. Instead, he interlaced his fingers, though he was exerting enough pressure to turn his knuckles white. His dilemma was apparent, and though you couldn’t tell exactly what he was thinking, you felt bad. 

You were sure that this was because of you.

You knew that this wasn't inherently your fault. And you also knew that it wasn’t your job to care for people that you didn’t know- people who didn’t know you, either. But you had started to form a bit of a bond with them over the last few days. As you had familiarized yourself with them, they had done the same with you. Even if they didn’t know that you were somebody else, they were still getting to know you.

This world was lonely. You were lonely.

And Saeran looked lonely, too. That’s why you felt bad.

Even though you knew it wasn’t your place to comfort him, you couldn’t shake the thought that leaving Saeran to suffer alone like this was cruel. Your trying to make him feel better would be misleading at best and manipulative at worst, but it was better than doing nothing.

Besides, if you played your cards right, he may not ever know that you weren’t who he thought you were.

So you reached out tentatively, gently putting one of your hands on Saeran’s, hoping that it would distract him from crushing his own hands. Your strategy seemed to have some merit, because he seemed to relax a bit as soon as you touched him. He stilled entirely, glancing up at you, as if ascertaining your sincerity. You held his gaze, a silent confirmation.

When you didn’t say anything, Saeran’s hands parted and turned over, taking your single hand in both of his, holding it firmly. The gesture implied that you were comforting him, but the crease between his eyebrows and the subtle thinning of his lips told you that he was still troubled. Though Saeran was actively trying to keep it together, it wasn’t too hard for you to see through him. 

“I’m sure it’ll work itself out,” you told Saeran as his thumbs gently traced the ridges of your knuckles. “Just give it some time, yeah? And until then, just know that the person you love is still there.”

It felt strange to say that. The words were foreign in your mouth, but you spoke them as naturally as you could. 

Saeran looked back at you to meet your gaze. You still couldn’t quite read him, but it seemed that somehow, your touch was bringing him a sense of relief. You could feel his anxiety through the hold he had on you, through the way he was caressing the back of your palm, soft and searching. Though his hands were unfamiliar, they were warm and bigger than yours, holding you with a firmness that somehow spoke without words. 

The physical touch wasn’t the worst thing for you, either. If anything, after five days of confining yourself to your own mind, you were more than happy to find comfort through this.

“What about you, then?” Saeran asked you, still holding onto your hand. “Why are you awake?”

Your lips quirked upwards for a second. You supposed that if he wanted to use you to change the subject, you could live with that.

“Similar reasons, I guess,” you admitted, leaning your head against the back of the loveseat. “There’s a lot of things on my mind. I don’t know anything about what’s going on, but somehow I still feel really confused.”

You were skirting around some of the deeper issues, side-stepping them as gracefully as you could. But it was easier that way. Bigger problems aside, there were a lot of smaller things you didn’t want anyone to find out about, either. You didn’t want them to know that you didn’t feel like it was right for you to accept so much help from them. That you felt like you were intruding. That you were scared that none of this would work out. Some things were better kept to yourself. 

Luckily for you, your explanation seemed to work well enough. 

“You don’t remember the world, but it remembers you,” Saeran told you, still holding your hand. “Your light sticks with the RFA, and it sticks with me. Even if you’re confused and scared, you’re not alone.”

He paused for a second before looking up at you again.

“You taught me that I have the freedom to choose how to live my life. That remains true, even now. We can’t choose what happens to us, but we can choose how to react to it. So, I’m choosing not to be devastated by this. I’ll choose to support you. So when you’re confused and have questions, come to me. I’ll help you.”

Your cheeks were beginning to grow warm. Saeran’s words were almost painfully intimate- gentle, carefully sculpted to bring you comfort despite knowing that he was a complete stranger to you. 

Saeran clearly viewed you in an extremely high regard. The affection was almost tangible, soaking his every word.

Whoever your doppelganger was, they were lucky to have somebody like this. Somebody who clearly adored them for everything that they were.

You couldn’t piggyback off of this person’s life forever. But you were being offered comfort, and you desperately needed it. Was it really any better of an idea to deprive yourself of the kindness that you’d been searching for?

You finally smiled again a little bit. 

You deserved this. You deserved to find respite, even if this wasn’t meant for you.

“Thanks,” you gave his hands a small squeeze, though awkwardly. “I appreciate it. Like I said, you can talk to me, too. I don’t have a lot of good advice, but I’ll listen to you.”

Your words carried more weight than you thought, apparently. Saeran’s face melted into a smile, his cheeks rosy in the moonlight, and you found yourself feeling proud that you were able to cheer him up this much. 

When you finally returned to bed that night, you were able to sleep a little bit better.

That night had made this world seem less frightening to you. Your conversation with Saeran was one of the first ones where you’d felt that you’d been able to be somewhat honest. You hadn’t had the opportunity to reveal so much of yourself and your feelings to another person in quite some time, and being able to do so took a load off of your chest.

It also made you feel a little bit more connected to some of the people here. The RFA started seeming a little bit less like strangers forced into your life and more like acquaintances. You could find points of connection and expand on them. It was enough to keep you going. It was good.

If it weren’t for the fact that you were still stuck in some weird, alternate universe with people who didn’t know you were an outsider, you could almost have been comfortable.

But, as always, that wasn’t the last of your worries. The person who’d been sending you strange texts hadn’t let up over the past week.

They had changed in tone somewhat, shifting from slightly threatening to curious. Questions about how you were getting along, what you were up to, and what your thoughts were on the situation. They would occasionally send strangely cryptic messages, like they were beckoning you to reach out and ask for clarification. It seemed as if they were dropping obscure clues, but you were never able to find any.

  
  


**XX-XXXX-XX10:**

_ I wonder how it feels to know so little. How much  _

_ of the world around you do you truly understand?  _

_ I would think that you feel quite lonely. _

  
  


Every time you got one of those, you would roll your eyes. The whole situation was almost absurd. They thought you felt lonely?

_ No shit _ .

It didn’t take a genius to figure out that you were confused and stuck in your own head. This person was hardly telling you something you didn’t already know. But as much as you wanted to snap and bite back, you didn’t allow yourself to. In fact, you didn’t message them back at all.

You had decided to switch up your tactics a little bit.

This person wasn't going to give you the information you wanted, no matter how hard you tried. By interacting with them and indulging them in their power play, you would only be giving them more ammunition. You were letting them know that you were interested in what they had to say- that you were desperate enough for information to go to ill-advised lengths.

And you were desperate. But you were also aware that you were vulnerable and very open to manipulation. You couldn’t let yourself fall into such an obvious trap. Even if you saw through it, this was a risk that you couldn’t take. You didn’t want this person to think that they could lure you in so easily.

They took notice of your strategy before long, though.

  
  


**XX-XXXX-XX10:**

_ Hm… It seems my messages are being ignored.  _

_ I didn’t take you to be so petty. I was trying to get  _

_ to know you, but if you’d rather we skip past the  _

_ niceties, that’s fine. _

**XX-XXXX-XX10:**

_ Allow me to be more honest, then. I know you.  _

_ I know where you’re from. I know why you’re here,  _

_ and I know how to send you back. If we could work  _

_ together, I could make that happen for you. _

  
  


They had certainly picked a bad time to be honest, you thought as you quickly lowered your phone’s brightness. You were in the kitchen, away from the safety of your room, and being alone didn’t make you feel any better about looking at these messages in the common area of the house. Despite the nervous thrumming of your heart, you tried to force yourself to feel unbothered by taking another bite of last night’s leftovers. They didn’t taste like much.

  
  


**XX-XXXX-XX10:**

_ We both have something to gain from this. I can’t  _

_ tell you my intentions over the phone. _

**XX-XXXX-XX10:**

_ But if you would agree to meet me, we could speak.  _

_ Somewhere public would be better for both of us, no? _

**XX-XXXX-XX10:**

_ Think it over. Just remember that our goals are the  _

_ same, and that I’m the only person that truly knows  _

_ who you are. You don’t have any other options. _

  
  


And with that, the messages stopped coming. You waited for a few minutes more, anticipating another response, but you never got one. Keeping your face steady, you exited the app, waiting a few seconds before putting your phone down. A sigh escaped your lips.

Yet another problem to deal with. Yet another secret to keep.

It felt upsetting to hide so much from people who were only trying to help you, but you knew that this was for the best. There was no way that you could clue them in on what was going on. They would never believe you. You were on your own.

A chatroom for the RFA opened up, but you ignored the notification. Your head was full, and you weren’t sure if you had the energy to joke around with the rest of the group the way that you usually did.

You took another bite of your food, but it didn’t seem as appetizing as it had earlier. 

The person on the other side of the phone was offering to meet up with you, and that put a sour taste in your mouth. Though no part of you trusted them, it was clear that they knew of your situation. You weren’t sure if that meant that they had a way to help you, but the prospect was enticing enough to make you weigh your options. But it didn’t take much deliberation in the end.

You knew that this was an impossible request.

You were in the middle of the woods, and even if you could use Maps to find your way to civilization, there was no way that you could steal a car to actually get there. While you could ask somebody to take you to the city, you would have to come up with an excuse for them to leave you alone. And after your previous escapade, which had scared everyone out of their minds, you doubted they would jump at the idea. It would be confusing and rude. 

There was also no guarantee that this person didn’t have it out for you. Just because they were offering to help you didn’t mean that they were on your side. The chances that they were lying were extremely high. For all you knew, you would be walking directly into a trap. You couldn’t throw caution to the wind so easily.

Though, the prospect was frustratingly enticing. Having any additional bit of information would be incredibly helpful. But you couldn’t risk it, and you knew that. All you could do was continue ignoring them.

That didn’t have to stop you from being annoyed about it, though.

You put your dishes in the half-full dishwasher, absentmindedly closing it, and lingered awkwardly in the kitchen. Something was prodding at your mind, and your thoughts wandered away from you as you tried to discern the source of your discomfort. You knew that something about this was very off, but you couldn’t quite place your finger on exactly what was wrong. You just knew that you had a bad feeling, and you didn't know why. 

Your phone vibrated once more.

  
  


**XX-XXXX-XX10:**

_ Just to prove to you that I’m not lying. _

**XX-XXXX-XX10 sent a photo attachment.**

_ View photo attachment (1) _

**XX-XXXX-XX10:**

_ Something to think about. _

  
  


Curious and not thinking for a second, you opened the attached file. 

The second it loaded, you came to a complete stop. The world around you seemed to momentarily ebb out of existence. 

There, clear as day, was a photo of you. Not your doppelganger.  _ You.  _

You were standing with your friends, wearing your own clothes, grinning boisterously. You’d clearly been up to something, if the impish smile on your face was anything to go by. This didn’t have the whimsical, soft energy as the pictures in the room down the hall. It was louder, more reckless, and so familiar that your chest constricted. 

This was undeniably you.

You had felt so stricken by your similarities with your doppelganger that you’d hardly stopped to consider the differences. Not-you seemed smooth, almost eloquent- similar to Saeran in that regard. They shared a tangibly soft energy, like they were clouds in the sky. You, on the other hand, were rougher around the edges. You were more animated. You were an outlier.

You took a screenshot of the photo quickly, fearing that it would somehow disappear. Your heart thumped against your ribcage with surprising force as you stared at it a little bit longer.

This photo had been posted to social media back home. Multiple of your friends had uploaded it to their pages. It existed, yes, but  _ only in your world. _ This world didn’t even have the same social media- just eerily similar versions with slightly different names. This photo should not exist here. It should not be on your phone.

And yet, this person had it.

You tapped your fingers on the countertop a few times as you thought, trying to make sense of what you were looking at. Your chatting partner was intent on proving that they knew who you were and that they had access to your world- that they could send you back. 

This proved that there were some things that they weren’t lying about.

You would have to figure out what to do about this. You could ignore this person and their messages for now, but not forever.

The clock was ticking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Contrary to popular belief, I did not, in fact, forget about this story. :') I had a bit of a hiccup after the last chapter and, due to a variety of reasons, had to drop this semester's classes. So the stress of that kept me away from writing anything too long. On the bright side, I now have much, much more time to write for the next few months, so hopefully that'll make up for it, haha. Sorry for the delay! ;;
> 
> But I started this chapter off feeling a little bit unsure of how I was going to write it, especially the scene with Reader and Saeran, but I'm actually kind of happy with how it turned out? Reader's gonna need some friends if they plan on hanging out here. And since things are gonna start ramping up here very soon, some emotional support might not be a bad idea.
> 
> Anyways, thank you so much to everyone who left a kudos/commented on the last chapter! I love hearing your guys' insights. It's actually super helpful because it gives me a good idea of where I'm at and how I'm presenting information. It also tells me what clues you're seeing and how you're interpreting them. :) Plus, I love interacting with you all in general! So please feel free to comment if you've got anything to say. I'd love to hear from you!
> 
> Thank you so much for reading, everyone! I hope you enjoyed the chapter. :) Take care, and until next time!


	6. Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which things continue to spiral and you lose what little control you thought you had.

You were beyond thrilled when it was decided that you were all taking a trip downtown.

It shouldn’t have been as exciting as it was, but you hadn’t been out for almost two weeks. Though Saeran and Saeyoung were more than kind, you were beginning to feel more and more confined by the day. The thought of being on the open streets, with endless space around you, would have felt extremely freeing. You wanted to be able to wander aimlessly and feel like you still had room to breathe. At some point, you’d even found yourself missing the anonymity of weaving through crowds of people, all of them going about their days.

As nice as the quiet had been, relaxation only did so much when you were in a strange dimension, stuck with people you didn’t know. You had been consistently harassed over text by somebody with bad intentions. They continuously insisted on meeting up with you and discussing everything in person. Saying no had gotten repetitive and was ultimately proven useless, so you’d just stopped responding.

You had more secrets than you cared to admit. It was too dangerous to tell either of the brothers what was going on, as much as you had times when you truly wanted to come clean. It was for the best, you thought, so you would keep everything inside if you had to.

You didn’t want to be doing everything alone, but you didn’t have a choice. You were left feeling isolated and lonely, stuck within your own head, always slightly removed from everyone around you. There was a barrier around you that would never fall, and though you could see through it, you were still stuck within its confines.

You knew that going outside would be a nice break from everything going on in your mind. You had been searching out an opportunity like this for some time. It was a chance to get away from that house, your room, and all of the thoughts stuffed into its corners. Everything that haunted you at night could briefly disappear. It was an opportunity for you to remember that a world existed outside of all of this- even if the world wasn’t your own.

It would have to do.

* * *

The sun was slowly climbing towards the Western horizon. The evening was beginning to crawl forward as the clock struck five, and though the sunlight was warm on your back, you felt a distinct chill creep up your spine when your phone vibrated. It was almost as if a part of you knew exactly who was texting you, and you wanted nothing to do with it. You dug through your pockets for your phone anyways, though, and once you had it, you looked at the message.

**XXX-XXXX-XX10:**

_Are you still ignoring me?_

You scoffed a bit at the message and shut your phone off, dropping it back into your pocket.

You were, in fact, still ignoring this person. 

Their messages had become largely the same- cycles of asking for your attention and getting snippy when you didn’t give it. It was exhausting to entertain somebody like that, especially when you knew that they wouldn’t give you the information that you wanted even if you were to respond.

It was easier and safer not to bother, so that was what you did.

For better or for worse. 

Getting outside was easily one of the most helpful things you’d decided to do. The relatively small bustle of people around you was strangely comforting, and the sunshine from above illuminated the world in a gentle golden glow. You felt relatively comfortable outside, standing near a park that you’d found after deciding that you needed just a little bit of alone time. There were a few benches and small pathways running through a small handful of trees, giving off the illusion of a small break from the city.

You had separated from Saeyoung and Saeran quite some time ago. Though the latter seemed somewhat reluctant to let you go, you’d convinced him that you would be fine. You had gone many places on your own before, after all. It wasn’t going to be a problem.

You cared for Saeran, and you liked him. But he didn’t know that you weren’t his partner, so you couldn’t tell him that you felt strange to have him fuss over you so much.

You could understand his position and his concern, but you didn’t like feeling so restricted. You would have to find a way to tell him that, you thought, because it was better than getting frustrated with him. It was never anything against him, but the thought of having your movements so controlled made you feel anxious.

Even when you would get slightly irritated, you still felt bad for Saeran. He was in the midst of mourning the loss of the person he knew while simultaneously hoping that they would come back. 

He didn’t have a full grasp on the situation, either.

And apparently, neither did you. 

“Excuse me.”

The voice took you by surprise, yanking you out of your thoughts. You turned around to face the man who had walked up towards you. He was surprisingly plain- the type that blended right into a crowd. There was a blank look to his eyes, which were trained on you, and you immediately felt slightly off. Something about his gaze made you feel extremely nervous.

You weren’t sure if you were supposed to know this man or not, but he definitely seemed to want something from you.

“Can I help you?” You asked, turning around fully to face him. 

You felt ready to leave at any moment, your muscles tense enough that you could spring into action if you needed to. 

“You can,” the man said. He dug into his pocket to pull out a phone. He turned on the screen and turned it around to show you. It was a series of text messages, and when you took a slightly closer look, you instantly recognized the words being exchanged. 

It was the conversation you’d been having with your unknown friend.

This was the person you’d been texting.

They’d found you.

A cold fear began to brew in the pit of your stomach, and though you tried to ignore it, the distinct buzzing in the back of your head told you that your attempts were futile. There might have been people around you and you might have been in public, but you were still at a significant disadvantage. There was no guarantee this person wouldn’t try anything.

The thought that he had found you so easily and was approaching you with so much conviction made you feel uncomfortable and frightened.

This man seemed sure of himself, and that was a sentiment that you couldn’t share. Something was making him feel confident, and the thought that he had a secret advantage poked at the back of your mind.

But you knew that you couldn’t let him get under your skin. Showing vulnerability was a death sentence. You would have to find a way to navigate this that wouldn’t put you in immediate danger. You had to handle this carefully, cherry-picking your words and showing a facade of confidence.

“So, asking to see me in person was just a formality?” You asked, struggling to keep yourself sounding steady. “You were asking me to meet up as if you couldn’t just come and find me. Which, apparently, you can. If you wanted to meet me so bad, clearly you could have just done so.”

You were already rambling, nerves aflame within your stomach. _Not good._

The man eyed you. There was something eerie about him. He looked at you with a strangely blank expression, like his eyes had been very lightly glazed over. It was almost as if nobody was present- as if there was nothing behind his eyes. He seemed off, and that only fueled your anxiety.

Something about this situation was very wrong; more so than you had initially assumed.

Finally, the man spoke up. 

“You need to come with me.”

You felt your heart kickstarting in your chest, jumping to life with a series of thrumming so intense that you couldn’t breathe for a second.

_Shit._

You hadn’t been this put off since your first day here, and that same fear was returning with a vengeance. You were in danger, and you were on your own.

You should have seen this coming.

Why had you split up with Saeran and Saeyoung? Why had you insisted on going everywhere by yourself when you should have known it would have put you in danger? 

This wasn’t your world. You didn’t belong, and you had no idea how to interact with anything inside it.

You needed to get away as soon as possible.

“No, I don’t,” was your response. “Good talking to you.”

With your heart in your throat, you turned around. The second that a hand shot out and wrapped around your arm, fingers encasing you tightly, your stomach dropped. FIngertips dug into your flesh so hard that it hurt.

You felt yourself beginning to slip. Panic was flooding your system. 

“No,” he echoed. “You do need to come.”

Things were quickly going from bad to worse. 

You pulled at your arm, but his grip didn’t loosen. “Hey, let go,” you demanded, yanking harder when he didn’t release you. “Let _go_ of me.”

The man’s eyebrows narrowed on you, and he gave you a tug in return. “Come with me. You’re making this harder than it needs to be.”

Your self-control was beginning to slip. Despite being in a public park, there were few people around you. Those that were present were far enough away that they weren’t paying attention to you, stuffed into the back corner of the park.

You were completely on your own, and you knew it. 

You turned to what you knew best- anger.

“Let me _go_ , you asshole!” You snapped. You lifted your knee and brought it up as hard as you could, hitting him directly between the legs. The man inhaled sharply, keeling over and loosening his grip just enough for you to slip away. You immediately turned the other way and ran, your arm smarting, hurrying towards the main street where you could find safety in the presence of other people.

You began to weave back into the crowd, occasionally bumping into people in your haste. Your heart was thumping against your chest with surprising strength, sending more and more adrenaline coursing into your veins. It felt like your body was buzzing, and breathing was getting hard.

It was reminiscent of when you’d first woken up in this world, completely stranded and frightened out of your mind. You could hardly believe that you were in this situation again.

You needed to find somebody.

_Saeran_ , you thought. Where was he?

You threw a quick glance over your shoulder. You didn’t see your assailant, but that didn’t bring you much comfort. You were haunted by the feeling of eyes stuck to your back, as if your every move was being trailed against your will. You couldn’t get rid of the feeling. It only grew, fueled by your fear, and you knew that you needed to do something before you lost control of yourself in public.

A breakdown was far from a good idea.

You whipped your phone out of your pocket and unlocked it with shaky hands, rushing to Saeran’s contact and pressing the call button. You held the device up to your ears, listening to the dial tone as it rang out a few times. Your call was quickly picked up, and the voice on the other end brought you immediate comfort.

_“Hello?”_

“Saeran,” his name spilled from your mouth as if a dam was breaking. Speaking only made the situation feel more real- more terrifying. It was grounding in a way you didn’t want it to be.

“Where are you?” You asked, unable to hide the slight trembling in your voice. “I’m looking for you but I can’t find you.”

He seemed to be able to read the situation surprisingly quickly. You could hear some rustling from the other end, and Saeran spoke again. 

_“I’m by a cafe with Saeyoung. I was waiting for you to text. Are you okay?”_

“Yeah, I-” 

You paused for a second.

You were beginning to spiral, and you couldn’t do that. You needed to gain control over yourself if you wanted to handle this right, because breaking down would only push you farther into a corner.

You tried to steel yourself before you responded.

“I’ll explain when I find you. I’m out by the main road, where we split. Can you come find me?”

_“Of course. Don’t go far, love. I’m close.”_

You were too grateful to feel uncomfortable about someone you didn’t know calling you by a pet name.

The call ended, and you let your phone fall from your ear.

The prospect of standing by and waiting brought you considerable fear. It felt unsafe to remain in one place like a sitting duck, but you were aware that wandering away would only make it take longer for Saeran to find you.

You found yourself looking at every passer-by, briefly scanning them for any possible threat. Their faces, their clothes, their eyes- you glanced at everyone and everything to ascertain that they weren’t your assailant. 

You knew that he wouldn’t have been able to do something here. It was too crowded. But that didn’t stop you from being frightened out of your mind. 

“Hey.”

You nearly jumped out of your skin at Saeran’s voice. Your body jerked as you whipped around slapping a hand up onto your chest as if to slow the rapid beating of your heart. A sigh fell from your lips once you processed that you weren’t in any danger, your shoulders relaxing a bit. 

“You scared me,” you said, though your frown soon began to melt. Your initial irritation started to wane just a little bit, overrun by the relief that you felt at no longer being alone. Saeran’s presence brought you quite a bit of comfort, as if nobody else could harm you as long as he was there.

“Sorry,” Saeran seemed a bit taken aback by your frustration, but he didn’t say anything about it. You noted the concern in his eyes as he looked at you, taking in your frazzled state. “What happened?”

You finally let your hand drop before taking another quick glance around, unwilling to speak on the subject, lest your assailant be listening. You eventually looked back at Saeran and hesitated before speaking again.

“Can we go somewhere private?” You asked, voice lowered. “I’ll tell you everything, I just really want to get out of the open.”

Saeran looked a bit unsure, and you couldn’t exactly blame him. It was obvious to both of you that you were behaving slightly erratically, different from usual. Your paranoia was heightened, similar to how it had been upon your arrival, and Saeran was looking at you the same way he did back then. There was a mixture of apprehension and concern in his eyes, like he was worried you were about to tumble over the edge.

To you, this was a justified reaction. But the only way Saeran would know that is if you were to tell him the truth, and you knew now that you would have to do that. The dangers of keeping your secrets far outweighed the benefits. There was no point in avoiding the discomfiture of telling Saeran and Saeyoung the truth if you were to get kidnapped instead. 

It was time to reveal some of your secrets, but this wasn’t the place to do so. 

Eventually, Saeran nodded, and you instantly felt a bit more at ease. He took your hand gently, fingers threading through yours, and you hated that his touch brought you so much comfort. He held your gaze.

“Is this okay?”

You nodded, and his grip tightened just a bit. With that, Saeran turned and began to guide you back down the street. You clung to his hand a bit, trying to find safety through his presence, and you felt slightly dizzy as you followed him. Saeran soon turned into a cafe, presumably the one he’d mentioned. The walls were dark green, and you looked between the wooden tables and small fairy lights until you saw Saeyoung, sitting in one of the back corners.

Saeyoung looked up at you with a grin, but when he noticed your face, his smile fell a bit.

“Woah, what happened to you?” He asked. “You look awful. Are you okay?”

You took a seat, letting go of Saeran’s hand, and shook your head. Your heart was thumping in your chest, louder than it ever had before, and when you looked up at the brothers, you faltered.

You knew that they needed to know what was going on. You couldn’t keep everything a secret anymore- not after it’d escalated to this point. But there was a part of you that was genuinely afraid of disappointing them. They might not have been your friends to have, but they were still friends. You regarded them as people you could trust, and the thought of letting them down upset you.

This would be one of the first times you could speak to them as yourself, and not as the person you were pretending to be. If that didn’t go over well, the rejection would be that much more personal. 

You glanced up, temporarily meeting Saeran’s gaze.

Rejection would hurt.

“I have to tell you guys something,” you averted your eyes as you spoke, fiddling with a loose thread on your sleeve. “It’s important. I don’t really think I should talk about it here, though.”

Saeyoung sobered a bit more. He continued to look at you for a few seconds, not saying a word, before he spoke up again.

“Okay. Well, if it’s serious, we should go home,” he said. “This doesn’t seem like a discussion we want to have in public.”

You were relieved that he brought it up. The last thing you wanted to do was to remain out in the open. You were seeing flashes of the man everywhere, like he was chasing after you. The twins’ house was akin to a bunker. Even if somebody could find it, there was no way that they would be able to get in. And that was all that you needed to feel a bit more reassured.

However, you had to sit on your anxiety the entire way back, nursing your nerves and watching as they grew. You were frightened to tell Saeran and Saeyoung the truth, and you weren’t sure how you would go about doing so.

You would have to be honest, and after lying for so long, that prospect was terrifying.

The entire ride home you were fiddling with something- your hands, your sleeves, your bag- and you were sure that the brothers noticed your anxiety. You went back and forth in your head, deliberating whether or not you were really doing the right thing.

There was a high chance that they wouldn’t believe you, and that was frightening. But considering how things had escalated, you knew that you were unable to keep your secrets anymore. They had to be out in the open if you wanted the best possible chance at staying safe. Clearly, you weren’t equipped to do this by yourself.

So when you were finally home, sitting on the couches in the living room, you knew you just had to blurt it out.

And so you did.

“Somebody tried to kidnap me while we were out.”

Silence.

This was far from a graceful way to broach the topic. The words felt clumsy and strange.

Once the brothers processed your words, you were gifted with spirited reactions. Saeyoung’s eyebrows shot up and his mouth opened as if he was going to speak, but nothing came out. Next to him, Saeran’s eyebrows pressed together, and he paled. An incredulous “ _What?_ ” escaped his lips.

You squirmed, shifting your weight as you struggled to find the words necessary to explain everything as clearly as possible.

You needed them to believe you.

They had to believe you. If not, you were done for. 

“There’s someone who’s been messaging me,” you picked your words carefully, taking your phone out of your pocket. “I don’t know them, but… they know me. They’ve been trying to meet up but I haven’t accepted. Today, they showed up while I was alone and tried to force me to come with them.”

“Why didn’t you say something?” Saeyoung demanded, his eyebrows furrowing. He sounded frustrated, and your teeth clamped onto your bottom lip for a second, teeth digging into the soft flesh. It was slightly grounding, and it gave you what you needed to continue.

“That’s-” you hesitated for a second before a sharp sigh left your lips. “He knows things about me. Things that I haven’t told you yet.”

“What do you mean?” Saeran asked. “We already- we’ve always told each other everything.”

He sounded hurt, and you couldn’t blame him.

You found yourself suddenly somewhat relieved that you were about to tell them the truth. You would no longer have to lie to Saeran about being his partner, and you could have an excuse to not engage in discussion of their relationship. 

That would bring you some peace.

“I’m not who you think I am,” you said eventually. “And I haven’t been honest because I’m genuinely scared you’ll get me hospitalized if I talk about this too much.”

You turned on your phone and entered your messages app, tapping on the conversation with the stranger and scrolling upwards. Once you found the picture you’d been sent of yourself you enlarged it and held the phone out.

“See?” You said. “That’s me. I’m not the person you think I am. I’m not from here. I’m from some sort of- I don’t know, an alternate dimension of some sort? I haven’t lost my memories about anything. I’m just not the same person you know”

The both of them looked at the phone for a second before meeting each others’ eyes. After a short silence, Saeran sighed. He looked pained, you realized, and it was just when he spoke that you understood what he was going to say. 

“I think it’s time we see somebody,” he began to speak, but you interrupted him.

“ _No,_ ” you pushed your phone into his hands, your own beginning to tremble with the anticipation that you needed to get him to understand that you weren’t crazy- that this was real and that they needed to take you seriously. 

“Read it. The whole conversation. Please.”

Saeran held your gaze for a second. You could see the doubt, mingled with concern, and you hated it because you couldn’t blame him. You would never have believed it if somebody were telling you what you were trying to tell them right now. You didn’t say a word, hoping that your sincerity would somehow make it through to him. 

And it must have, because he then began to read. 

You remained silent as you watched him scroll through the conversation, eyebrows pressing together now and then as he took in the words.

You felt uncomfortable. You hadn’t wanted them to know this much- to see the things that you were messaging this person. You’d been threatened and had blatantly ignored them, and now Saeyoung and Saeran would know that you’d been keeping secrets. It would have been easier if you could have taken care of everything on your own, but that didn’t seem to be an option anymore. 

And now, you were beginning to suffer the consequences of a situation that had never truly been your fault.

“Who is this?” Saeran’s question brought you back to the present. He seemed to be finished, and there was a more serious look in his eyes. You couldn’t quite read him, but you noticed that the disbelief had waned just a little bit.

You’d never seen him look like this. He wasn’t quite angry with you, but he was serious enough that you felt nervous.

Would he still defend you if you weren’t the person he thought you were? You weren’t sure, but a part of you hoped he would. Even if you’d been lying and keeping secrets, you could only hope that they would understand your position. That they would believe you.

You shook your head slowly.

“I don’t know who they are. What you’re seeing is all that I know.”

There was a short silence.

“So, what? You’re not from here?” Saeyoung eventually asked. You looked over to meet his gaze. “We’re supposed to believe that you’re from some other dimension?”

You thought for a second, trying to find something to say that felt even remotely convincing, but you couldn’t. The situation was too fantastical to begin with, and you yourself didn’t even fully comprehend what was going on. How were you supposed to explain something like this to somebody else? 

You shrugged your shoulders with a small sigh. 

“I mean- I guess so. I wouldn’t have believed any of this if it weren’t happening to me, either,” you said, wringing your fingers a bit as you spoke. “But I’m here, with all of you, and I don’t understand anything that‘s going on. This life isn’t mine, and it feels wrong to keep pretending that it is.”

“And you expect us to believe that?” Was Saeyoung’s next question. 

You looked back up at him, and you faltered. Your earlier resolve was beginning to dwindle.

No, you didn’t exactly expect them to believe you. And that was why you’d kept everything a secret for so long. You knew that there was no chance of anyone listening to your story and thinking that you were telling the truth. No matter how you went about any of this, you would still come out as somebody crazy, unhinged, and in desperate need of professional help.

“Wait, Saeyoung,” Saeran finally spoke up, saving you the trouble of coming up with a response, and his attention landed on you once more. He was looking at you differently, and that immediately struck you directly in the chest.

It was like you were now unfamiliar to him. And you supposed you were, but a part of that didn’t feel good to you. You didn’t have time to dwell on it, though, so you tried to push the thought away.

“So then, who are you?” Saeran looked at you expectantly, awaiting a response to his question. 

You struggled to find the words you needed.

“I’m just… me. A lot’s the same. My name, the way I look, stuff like that. But my life’s different. I lived somewhere else, where things are all just a little bit different from how they are here. That’s all that I know for sure. I’m honestly just as confused as you guys are.”

You paused for a minute.

“Look, I’m really sorry for lying. Genuinely, I am. But when you took me to a hospital and wanted me to stay, it frightened me. I’m not ill, and the last thing I wanted was to be stuck in a hospital when I could be spending time trying to figure out how to get back home.”

You turned to Saeran, trying to appeal to him directly. “Whoever your partner is, they’re living my life right now. And I’m sure they’re just as lost and confused as I am. You can’t send me to a hospital, even if you don’t believe me. I’m not sure if I can take that. I need to get back home, and so does your partner. We don’t belong in each other’s lives like this.”

Saeran averted his gaze, his jaw clenching. It felt slightly dirty to use the other you in such a crude, haphazard way, but you didn’t have any other choice.

They both seemed to be deliberating your words. You couldn’t exactly blame them for not quite being able to believe you. Your story wasn’t rational in the slightest, and arguing your case felt both futile and exhausting.

But you were being as honest as you could be, and you could only hope that they could see that.

Mint eyes wandered back to you. They seemed more unsure this time.

“So then, this person,” Saeran held up your phone a bit, “knows about you and your situation. And they want to talk to you. And they know who we are.”

Saeyoung shook his head. “This seems dangerous,” he said. “Whether or not you’re telling the truth doesn’t matter. The fact remains that they’re threatening you and tried to abduct you. This isn’t a joke, and we need to take it seriously.”

Your heart was thumping in your chest, beating against your ribcage with unnecessary force.

Were they actually going to help?

Were you really not going to be alone in this anymore?

You found yourself being filled with a hope that you hadn’t felt since arriving here. Even if things were uncomfortable and strange after this, at the very least you would have someone to work with. You could be seen as who you truly were, and not as a variation of a person you didn’t know. Even if they didn’t truly believe you, this was the start that you needed. 

You could work with this. 

Saeyoung looked between you and Saeran for a second before he sighed.

“Okay, I’ll go track the number,” he held out his hand, and Saeran slipped him your phone. Saeyoung looked back over at you. “Don’t worry about any of this, okay? I’m sure we’ll figure out whatever’s going on.”

This was the first time you felt like somebody was actually speaking to you. 

You gave Saeyoung a nod and a small smile, and though he didn’t return the smile, he nodded back at you before leaving. 

And then, you were alone with Saeran.

This was easily one of the interactions that you’d been dreading the most. He had believed that you were his partner for weeks, and had treated you accordingly. And you’d let him believe that you were somebody else because it’d been easier for you at the time. It made more sense than telling the truth, because the truth could very easily get you in trouble, and you weren’t prepared for that. 

But the fact still rang true that you’d lied to him. You couldn’t deny that, and you would have to live with the consequences of your actions.

But that didn’t stop you from wanting to make things right. At some point, you’d started to consider both brothers your friends, Saeran especially. Whether Saeran was being nice to you because he thought you were somebody else had stopped mattering at some point, because you’d come to like him as a person. You were desperate for any sort of understanding and you took what you could get.

You didn’t want him to hate you or to dislike you. You wanted to remain friends.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you the truth,” you finally spoke, meeting his eyes for a second before looking back away. “I was genuinely scared I’d end up hospitalized if I tried to tell you what was happening.”

Saeran finally met your gaze again. He seemed a bit more reserved in the way he looked at you, and it somehow hurt.

“I might not have believed you at all if it weren’t for the messages,” he finally said. “Though I still have trouble believing that any sort of dimension-hopping is possible, it’s clear that there’s more to this than just lost memory.”

You nodded slowly. You weren’t exactly sure what to say in response to any of this. The whole situation felt awkward and out of place. You’d never had to navigate something so uncomfortable, and you felt lost. Remaining quiet felt easier than trying to stuff the empty air with clumsy, unwelcome words.

Saeran shared your silence for a while before he stood up. 

“I need to go and think,” he stopped to give you the smallest of smiles. “But don’t worry. I’m sure things will turn out okay,”

Though you could tell that the smile was a formality, you nodded and returned it with an unsure one of your own. You watched as Saeran turned away and made his way towards the back door, which he opened to step out onto the patio. You caught a quick glance of some of the plants that you’d been nurturing and quickly looked away, as if the very sight of them hurt. The door was shut, and you were stuck alone with your thoughts. They grew louder and louder, becoming a cacophony of white noise and discomfort that latched onto you and permeated into your head.

It was deafening. 

Though you had gotten Saeyoung and Saeran to take you at least somewhat seriously, you didn’t feel any better. If anything, you felt worse. 

Why did this hurt so bad?

Saeran didn’t seem particularly angry with you. He had made it clear that he wasn’t.

But it was also clear that he was as hurt as you were, and you knew that you were the cause of that. Whether you had good reason or not, you still had lied. You played a part that wasn’t yours to play, roping others into it against their will.

It just didn’t sit right that Saeran was so reserved towards you now. He had good reason to be, but there was a selfish part of you that wished that this wasn’t really happening.

Saeran was the closest friend that you had. You liked him a lot.

And you were genuinely afraid of losing that connection.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Queen of slow updates. Writer's block knocked me out. I've been on and off of various meds that have made it extremely difficult to sit down and write. I'm sure this isn't my best work, but I hope it was okay anyways. I'm starting to feel like myself again, so hopefully that helps with the updates. Thanks for being patient <3
> 
> Anyways- some of you were telling me that you thought you'd have told the RFA by now, so I think this works out! What do you think? What seems right? What seems wrong? What do you think about our lovely friend who tried to snatch you away in public? It was a quick interaction. If it doesn't sit right- good. It shouldn't. There's a lot going on beneath the surface.
> 
> There's a lot of things that don't make sense. It all means something, even if you don't understand what yet. That's the fun of the mystery :)
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone who left a comment or kudos on the last chapter! I'm so glad that you guys seem to be enjoying this- I wasn't confident in this story at all in the beginning so your support means a lot. I you have any thoughts, please feel free to leave a comment! This is a new genre for me so I know it's a bit clumsy, but I hope you're enjoying anyways c:
> 
> Take care, guys! Here's to hoping for a quicker update next time!


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